Once Upon a Time in Konoha
by lblue
Summary: Poor Sasuke in a pink dress, a fashionobsessed brother, a Big Bad Wolf, Poor Naruto,evil witches and a hentai god. the fun has just started. sasunaru still in progress.. next chapter next week!
1. Default Chapter

Once Upon a Time in Konoha  
  
Summary: Naruto and the rest of the gang are sealed inside a cursed fairy tale book! The only way they can get out is that they have to act the parts assigned to them until the story ends! Guess who the "damsel in distress" and the "knight in shining armor" are... slightly yaoi... sasu/naru  
  
Author's notes: Yup, I'm writing my first Naruto fanfic! Hope you all like it! This is yaoi (heck, you all know what it means) I mean the end is one... So don't like, don't read... This would be 12 chapters at the most... Don't forget to review...  
  
Disclaimers: I never owned Naruto, got that?  
  
Chapter One: One Upon a Time...  
  
It was a warm Saturday afternoon. The former rookies of Konoha were assembled in the Fifth Hokage's office, waiting for instructions on their next mission.  
  
Lee, who was determined to show-off at Sakura, was demonstrating his latest move at Neji, who dodged the attack easily, as Tenten looks on. Sakura, who didn't seem to care whatever Lee was doing, was having another pointless argument with Ino, as usual, it was all about Sasuke. Sasuke sat in one corner, determined to get away from the two annoying girls as far as possible. Shikamaru fell asleep on the couch. Kiba was making all sorts of noises with Akamaru. Chouji was eating his –th barbecue. Shino was quiet. Hinata was blushing crimson, as she openly stared at her not-so-secret object of affections. Kakashi was still reading the latest edition of Icha Icha Paradise, as Gai was at his side, making one of those "famous" speeches again.  
  
To sum it all up, what's new? They were all doing their usual business anyway, that is, with the exception of one blonde shinobi...  
  
Naruto was actually walking around the Tsunade-sama's office, and believe it or not, he was actually browsing through the Hokage's bookshelf, which was a first, as he hated books. He curiously pulled out a book or two. What caught the blonde's attention was the rather tattered, leather bound book lying on the far end of the shelf. With one of those famous smiles, he reached out for it, and blew the thick dust that covered it...  
  
On the front cover of the book appeared letters engraved in gold which read...  
  
The Cursed Book of Fairy Tales  
  
"Cool!" The blonde thought, excitement evident in his voice.  
  
Sasuke looked rather tired. He and Naruto had just come from a mission involving a crazy woman and her frantic missing cat. It took them nearly a day chasing the cat, enduring cuts, scratches, and bites. He didn't even know that cats bite, well that one does. To think of it, Naruto was practically enjoying himself during the whole ordeal... Heck, what do you expect from an idiot? And those two women (He glared at the direction of Sakura and Ino) annoyingly fighting over him didn't improve his fowl mood He brought out his kunai and started toying with it. He looked around... That's when he noticed Naruto...  
  
Sasuke nearly laughed, wait, he was trying not to laugh. He would not dare ruin his impassive reputation just because of a dobe... He thought he was actually seeing things... Naruto was actually browsing through books, not bragging about his accomplishments, or his dream to become Hokage, or just being an annoying brat... He was doing something close to reading... His expression turned to pure horror as he realized what that means...  
  
Naruto doing something out of the ordinary (what he considers ordinary) meant and spelled only one thing...  
  
T-R-O-U-B-L-E  
  
So unless Sasuke was mistaken, they could be in a serious trouble right now... in a very serious trouble.... He watched as Naruto approached him.  
  
Curiosity killed the cat, they say, but the blonde kitsune did not even bother. He was not a cat, for one. A fox demon, maybe, but a cat? No, definitely not. So he shrugged off any idea that he could be in serious trouble once he opened the book, which was what he was planning to do...  
  
That's how his simple mind works, anyway...  
  
Naruto grinned, as he looked for a place to read the book. He was too absorbed, that he didn't notice Sasuke, who was sitting right behind to where he was standing.  
  
"Watch where you're going, dobe!"  
  
"Sasuke, you bastard!" Naruto stuck out his tongue at his rival, and then walked away.  
  
Sasuke, meanwhile, was determined to know what Naruto was up to. "Dobe, what's that?"  
  
"A book!" Naruto snapped, 'It's none of your business, and stop calling me dobe!"  
  
"Baka, I know it's a book..." Sasuke muttered. He was about to say more about Naruto knowing that it was in fact a book, when he noticed the gold engravings on the book Naruto was holding.  
  
The Cursed Book of Fairy Tales  
  
What the...  
  
Think, think, think....  
  
The Cursed Book of Fairy Tales...  
  
Think, think...  
  
Sasuke paled (if that was still possible) as he remembered what that book was. His sharingan started glowing as he rushed towards the blonde. "Naruto, don't!"  
  
Too late...  
  
By the time Naruto heard those words, he had already turned the book...  
  
A mere second passed...  
  
Poof!  
  
All the occupants of the Fifth Hokage's office disappeared, literally, in a cloud of smoke...  
  
Barely a minute later, the Hokage's doors flew opened as Tsunade, closely followed by Kurenai and Jiraiya, rushed in, half expecting an ambush...  
  
To their surprise, they found the whole room deserted, and the idea of an ambush was quickly forgotten as the room was in order, and no sign of struggle can be seen...  
  
The question is, where are they?  
  
Tsunade quickly picked up the book, lying abandoned on the floor. She smiled as she held it up.  
  
Kurenai and Jiraiya exchanged looks once they saw the title.  
  
"Naruto." They all chorused.  
  
"Ouch!" Naruto rubbed his forehead that had almost hit the floor. He must have fallen, what, 50 feet? He looked around. It was very dark, and cold, and all he could see was Sasuke's sharingan, staring at him in anger.  
  
"Err... Sasuke?!"  
  
Sasuke scowled. Right. As expected, they were in trouble. "Dobe, I told you not to open that book! You should have listened to me!"  
  
Naruto felt someone pull him up. "Where are we?" He was confused. The last thing he remembered was being in Tsunade's office, and this certainly did not look like her office.  
  
"Shut up!" Sasuke hissed. "I don't really know."  
  
Just then, a bright light illuminated the room. Sasuke's eyes faded to their normal color. It was Kakashi, who had done a jutsu. "Are you two all right?"  
  
Sasuke and Naruto nodded. The first thing they noticed was that they were all there: Sakura, Ino, Kiba and Akamaru, Shino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Neji, Lee, Hinata, Tenten, Kakashi, and even Gai, and they were all wearing the same look of confusion on their faces.  
  
At least no one was hurt, Sasuke thought.  
  
"Where are we?" Chouji asked, looking around.  
  
Sasuke hesitated, before replying. "I think we're inside a book."  
  
Everyone turned to look at Naruto.  
  
"What did you do this time, Naruto?" Shikamaru irritably asked.  
  
"Inside a book?" Kakashi repeated, grinning to himself. "Come Come Paradise?"  
  
"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura screeched.  
  
"Pervert." They all muttered, shaking their heads.  
  
"No, The Cursed Book of Fairy Tales." Sasuke calmly replied.  
  
"What!" They all exclaimed. Everyone turned to glare at Naruto.  
  
"Look at what you did this time, Naruto!"  
  
"We are in BIG trouble, because of you, baka!"  
  
"Idiot, why do you always have to look!"  
  
Naruto swallowed hard. It was very uncomfortable, especially when almost a dozen people are glaring at you. If looks could kill, well, he was probably worse than dead right now. "Ahm... gomen?"  
  
Everyone scowled (Except Hinata). What's done is done, so what could they do, right?  
  
"Come-on." Hinata stuttered, turning crimson. "Naruto-kun... didn't... mean... to...do ...it...besides...he... already said... sorry...."  
  
They just shook their heads. They don't have to ask why Hinata was always defending Naruto. Heck, everyone knows, except for one noisy idiot.  
  
"Gee!" Naruto cried, "Thanks Hinata!"  
  
"It's... nothing... Naruto-kun..." Hinata blushed even harder.  
  
Sasuke growled. "Dobe just got himself a girlfriend..."  
  
"What did you say!" Naruto demanded, turning to his rival.  
  
"I didn't know dobe's deaf..."  
  
"I'm not deaf, you bastard, and don't call me "dobe"..."  
  
"Whatever... dobe," Sasuke added with a smirk. He just loved it when he's annoying the idiot...  
  
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME "DOBE"!" Naruto grinned, "I wonder, can't a genius understand a sentence as simple as that?"  
  
"Thanks for the compliment..."  
  
"What!!!"  
  
"Would you two stop it!" Sakura shouted, her patience wearing thin between the two.  
  
"Hmph." Naruto just glared. "So what exactly is a 'Cursed Book of Fairy Tales'?"  
  
Sasuke visibly sighed. "Figures."  
  
"It is a book that transports all people within the closed space into the book itself." A voice replied.  
  
"Hey, old hag!" Naruto yelled, recognizing that voice. "Get the hell us out of here!"  
  
"I can't get you out of there!" Tsunade's voice angrily replied. "And don't dare call me an old hag! It was your stupid fault that you are all stuck there in a book in the first place!"  
  
"You're the Hokage and you can't do that!" Naruto made a thumbs-down sign. "You are stepping down, old hag, and I'm taking over!"  
  
Kakashi turned white, upon hearing the word "book", "Where's my book? Where's my dear book?" He continued to ask frantically. "Where's my dear book?"  
  
Everyone sweat-dropped.  
  
"Err, Kakashi..." Tsunade cut in.  
  
"Where's my book? Where's my book?"  
  
"Kakashi, you left your book here." It was Kurenai this time.  
  
"Kurenai!" Kakashi made his 'puppy eyes', "Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm sure, in fact, I'm holding it right now." Kurenai couldn't still comprehend the silver-haired jounin's obsession with such a book.  
  
"Is it safe?"  
  
"Yes, it's safe."  
  
"Do you promise to keep it safe until the time I came back there?"  
  
"Fine, I promise."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Stop it, Kakashi! I promise to keep your book safe! Okay!"  
  
Kakashi sighed in relief. "Now, let's get down to business. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner I could continue reading."  
  
"Everything would be okay, kids!" Gai declared, "Gai-sensei is here! I would not let anything harm the future generation, the youth being the hope of our village, and Kakashi would join me!"  
  
Kakashi yawned. "You said something?"  
  
Neji turned his look away from the silver-haired jounin who was worried more about his book than the situation they were in, and from his own sensei making one of those speeches again. Are all jounins this weird? "So how do we get out of here?"  
  
"You have to play the parts assigned until the story ends." It was Jiraiya's voice this time. "In the end, it will be revealed how you can all get out of there, how the spell would be broken..."  
  
"Jiraiya-sensei!" Naruto cried.  
  
"Naruto, you are dead for this one!"  
  
"What's the story about?" Ino asked.  
  
"Fairy Tales, Ino." Kurenai replied, "From the title of the book, itself!"  
  
Ino brightened up. "Wow, I would be the princess, and Sasuke would be the prince! Sakura would be the witch! Then, Sasuke and I would live happily ever after!" She laughed after that.  
  
"In your dreams, Ino!" Sakura snapped, "I would be the princess, and you would be the witch! Sasuke and I would live happily ever after!"  
  
Sasuke groaned, as he stepped away as far as possible from the two annoying girls, having that usual argument again... Why are girls so annoying? "Could we just get this over with?"  
  
"Okay!" Tsunade cheerfully replied, "Excited to be the knight in shining armor, are we, Sasuke?"  
  
"Hmmp." Was the only reply.  
  
"Well, then, go find the door. It would lead you inside the plot." The voice of Jiraiya said. A giant wooden door appeared.  
  
"Just be careful." Kurenai added, "You can't use any form of jutsu inside." They all nodded, and marched towards the door.  
  
The sign read: "The Cursed Book of Fairy Tales"  
  
"This would be a piece of cake!" Naruto grinned, scratching his head.  
  
Sasuke smirked, "Just open the door, dobe..."  
  
With one last sigh, Naruto pushed the door open (as initial punishment for what he'd done,) and one by one, they entered.  
  
The story has begun....  
  
Should I continue? Please review... You could start guessing who are the "prince" and "princess".... 


	2. 2

Nay... sorry for late update...  
  
Once Upon a Time in Konoha  
  
Chapter Two: Scene One: Princess Sasuke  
  
Spotlight  
  
Poof!  
  
A silver-haired man appeared, wearing a tunic...  
  
And was that an olive branch tucked in his right ear?  
  
"I am the all powerful and mighty Kakashi!" The man so boldly declared. He then started to laugh for no reason at all.  
  
"Yo!" Kakashi finally said, collecting himself. He was pretty much amused to himself because he was actually a god, and had actually got the narrator part.  
  
The tunic? Well, he didn't mind, not really...  
  
The silver haired jounin pulled out a rather dusty and old book out of nowhere (It was not Come Come Paradise this time!), and began to read it.  
  
"Once upon a time in the peaceful village of Konoha," Kakashi started, "There lived a beautiful princess..."  
  
Poof!  
  
Sasuke appeared...  
  
Wearing a pink dress...  
  
Yep, you got it right...  
  
Sasuke was wearing a pink dress,  
  
Complete with ruffles and laces, and all that stuff...  
  
With an almost "adorable" scowl gracing his ever so adorable features...  
  
Well, almost...  
  
(Isn't he cute! : j)  
  
Kakashi blinked, too distracted by the appearance of his student to even bother finishing the sentence.  
  
"Err, Sasuke... What are you doing here? The princess should have appeared, a female," He glanced at the book once more, "Not the prince..."  
  
Kakashi earned a death glare from the Uchiha prodigy.  
  
"And what exactly are you doing in that dress?"  
  
Another death glare...  
  
Kakashi's face brightened up as he put the two facts together. "Unless...you...are... the princess?"  
  
Another glare, followed by a scowl.  
  
The silver-haired jounin could hardly suppress his reaction.  
  
He politely excused himself, and went to the farthest corner.  
  
Guess what he did...  
  
Yep, Kakashi laughed, and laughed his heart out...  
  
And boy! What an annoying laugh that was...  
  
Sasuke, meanwhile, started hissing curses in his breath, while gripping the hem of his skirt.  
  
Damn this pink dress!  
  
Damn Kakashi-sensei!  
  
Damn this princess thing!  
  
Damn that book!  
  
Damn the dobe who opened the book!  
  
Speaking of the dobe, he better not show his face this time...  
  
He would oh-so murder him....  
  
After a minute or two, just as Sasuke was pondering on the most painful of ways to slowly murder Naruto, Kakashi appeared, face still red from laughing, and was still grinning maliciously.  
  
"Jeez, Sasuke, what can I say? I'm.... speechless..."  
  
Sasuke groaned, and shot his sensei one of those famous Uchiha glares. That's when he actually noticed that his sensei was wearing a tunic, and what the hell was that on his ear? His lips twisted into a malicious smile. "Kakashi-sensei, you ought to look at yourself first."  
  
Kakashi, instead of being annoyed, actually smiled.  
  
Sasuke gulped. That was not the reaction he expected...  
  
"Neh, Sasuke, better a white tunic than a pink dress, right?"  
  
Sasuke scowled once more.  
  
"Besides, I am actually a god!" Kakashi laughed once more.  
  
Any more of this, and he'll go insane, Sasuke thought. "Just. Go. On. With. The. Damn. Story."  
  
"Okay." Kakashi breathed hard, forcing himself to be calm. "So in the peaceful village of Konoha, there lived a beautiful princess named..." He grinned at the Uchiha, "Sasuke."  
  
A growl.  
  
"Sasuke, that's not the right way for a girl, especially for a princess, to act." The jounin mockingly reprimanded his student.  
  
"I DON'T CARE!" Sasuke roared, "Kakashi-sensei, the story?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, right. Don't shout at me like that! I am a god, you know! All those who dare defy the all powerful and mighty Kakashi will suffer!" Kakashi laughed once again.  
  
"Yeah, a god of perverts..." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fine. Whatever."  
  
Kakashi turned the next page of the book. "Now the princess was very pretty. She, or rather, he, hey whatever, had silky jet-black hair..."  
  
A pause. He waited as those words sunk in. He wasn't disappointed.  
  
A glare.  
  
"Sparkling black eyes..."  
  
Another pause.  
  
Another glare.  
  
"Skin as white as know..."  
  
Another pause.  
  
Another glare.  
  
"With lips as red as a rose."  
  
Another pause.  
  
Another glare.  
  
Kakashi smiled to himself. Torturing the usually stoic boy was so much fun... "The princess was so beautiful that both genders were drawn to her, err, him, whatever."  
  
That's when Sasuke snapped, and started shouting at his sensei, respect and dignity, all forgotten. "Liar! Liar! That's not what the book said!"  
  
"Say! You're right!" Kakashi sheepishly smiled, his eyes never leaving the book. "It only said the princess was sought by many, but it never specified what or who..."  
  
Sasuke drew breath.  
  
Kakashi is my sensei; I will not murder him...  
  
I will not murder Kakashi-sensei...  
  
I will not murder Kakashi-sensei...  
  
One, Two, Three...  
  
Sasuke tried hard to control his temper, and his non-existing patience.  
  
But Kakashi wasn't finished. "But Sasuke, a princess is a "she" so the male population was drawn to her, but you're a "he" so it was the female population who was drawn to you, and you're also the princess... So literally, both genders were attracted to you, got it?"  
  
There goes the remaining millimeter of his temper...  
  
"Kakashi-sensei!" Sasuke brought out three kunais out of nowhere and threw them at the direction of his sensei...  
  
Kakashi stepped away just in time, and retreated far away from the obviously irritated, annoyed, and furious Uchiha.  
  
"So, as I was saying, everyone, I mean, almost everyone wanted to try it on the princess, as she, he, whatever, was quite a catch." Kakashi grinned. "They wanted to kiss the princess, hold the princess, and do rather pleasant things to the princess, to scr...."  
  
Sasuke growled, for the –th time that day...  
  
Not one of those dirty thoughts of his pervert-minded sensei again...  
  
Aarggh...  
  
What did he do to deserve such torture?  
  
Three more kunais flew at Kakashi's direction, and as usual, he avoided them rather easily...  
  
"Anyway, the princess had an older brother. At first, they got along pretty well. Yet as time passed by, the prince was envious of the attention the princess was getting, so..." Kakashi looked up at his student, "Sasuke, I'll just call you a she, okay. I mean you're the princess..."  
  
But Sasuke wasn't listening anymore to what Kakashi was saying.  
  
Brother?  
  
He frowned, not liking the way his instincts were behaving...  
  
Poof!  
  
A taller version of Uchiha Sasuke appeared, wearing a gray cloak of some kind...  
  
Sasuke grimaced, as his sharingan started. "Itachi!"  
  
---------------------  
  
What the hell is Itachi doing there? I'll explain in the next chapter...  
  
Credits to my two reviewers (gomen! Can't remember their names...) who suggested that Kakashi would actually make a cool god of hentainess...  
  
To all those who reviewed... THANKS!  
  
Nah... that was my plan right from the start... Princess Sasuke and Prince Naruto! Certainly a cliché! Definitely not too predictable! Hey I know, Naruto would be so cute in a pink dress, but hell, Sasuke is definitely cuter! That's the whole point... Naruto doesn't have enough brain cells to figure out how to rescue the "princess"... and I agree, maybe it's because of ramen... Just imagine their reaction once they found out, plus the way to break the spell!!  
  
All those suggestions about the characters... they're definitely hilarious! I'm actually laughing...:)  
  
Ahm... this is a yaoi... Sasuke x Naruto pairing, so definitely no NaruHina nor SasuSaku... but if you don't like yaoi, it's still okay to read because I'm definitely assuring everyone that there would be no limeish nor lemon scenes in the succeeding chapters... yet... I'll just inform everyone when, okay...  
  
It's a parody, mixed fairy tales...  
  
What's a beta reader?  
  
So, I think I answered generally all the reviews... Don't forget to review, okay... So, until next time...  
  
Chapter out, hopefully, next week.... 


	3. 3

Next chapter... Nah... No time for long notes... Thanks to all who read and reviewed Chapter II... Itachi here is a bit OOC... Adds to the humor... I don't really know... I haven't seen him yet in the series... So, excuse the author... I don't own anything about Naruto... Read on... Hope you all like it... Review afterwards... thanks...  
  
Once Upon a Time in Konoha Chapter III: Scene II: Itachi, the Magic Mirror, and the Big Bad Wolf  
  
Poof!  
  
A taller version of Uchiha Sasuke appeared, wearing a cloak of some kind...  
  
Sasuke grimaced, as he started his Sharingan, "Itachi!"  
  
"Damn this disgusting cloak!" Itachi complained, wiping the filth off his cloak. "Fifteenth century! Aargh!" He snapped his fingers. His tattered cloak turned into a brand-new, purple satin robe. "Definitely better." He glanced up to look at his brother who was obviously glaring at him. "Ah! Sasuke!" He smiled wickedly, eyeing the pink dress (with ruffles and laces and all that stuff) his brother was wearing. "Why, Otouto, you never told me you have a thing for gowns..."  
  
"Itachi, you bastard!" The last thing Sasuke needed was his brother seeing him in this absolutely damn-to-hell outfit.  
  
Damn Itachi...  
  
Damn this pink dress...  
  
Damn being a princess...  
  
To make it short, dear Sasuke once again started his damn-speech, with Itachi invading the first sentence... anyway...  
  
Once Sasuke finished his damn-speech, he pulled out three kunais (he loved the number three...) out of nowhere and threw them at Itachi's direction.  
  
"I will kill you, Itachi! You are so dead, you hear me!"  
  
"You never learn, do you?" Itachi said, looking rather bored. He caught the three kunais in midair and tossed them back at Sasuke.  
  
Sasuke moved away just in time.  
  
"By the way, Otouto, no need to shout at me like that... I'm not deaf, you know..."  
  
"Itachi!" Sasuke advanced towards Itachi, in an attempt to hurt his brother, no matter what.  
  
Itachi sighed. "You have absolutely no taste in gowns, do you know that?"  
  
Sasuke stood rooted to the ground. He blinked, as his eyes returned to their normal color. Did he just hear his brother talk about gowns?  
  
Sasuke didn't have the time to think, for at that moment, Itachi snapped his fingers, and Sasuke's pink dress (with ruffles and laces and all that stuff) turned into a violent shade of red, and take note, it's strapless.  
  
Sasuke's black eyes widened in horror, seeing the strapless gown red as blood he was wearing at the moment. If the pink gown (with ruffles and laces and all that stuff) was bad, this was definitely worse.  
  
Hell... Even the color...  
  
Figures.  
  
Itachi loved blood.  
  
"What the hell!"  
  
Itachi shook his head. "No, definitely not." He snapped his fingers once more.  
  
The red strapless gown became backless...  
  
Became blue, with a low neck...  
  
Became black, with long sleeves...  
  
So on, and so forth...  
  
"Too daring."  
  
"Too classy."  
  
"Nope, definitely not that one."  
  
So this went on for one hour, twenty-eight minutes, and fifteen seconds, but hey, who's counting?  
  
Sasuke could only roll his eyes in shock and frustration...  
  
Itachi was still frantically obsessed with the gown his brother would be wearing... He just loved it when he's annoying his little brother... Keyword... Hatred... Definitely more hatred...  
  
The all-powerful Kakashi? Too obsessed with the book to notice the bizarre confrontation of the two Uchihas... Anyway...  
  
At last, several outfits later, Itachi settled on a pink, Chinese-collared, sleeveless dress, with slits that reached Sasuke's thighs...  
  
"Perfect! Now you look like a real princess!" Itachi frowned. "Well, partly. There's still something wrong."  
  
A pause.  
  
"Uh, I know! Your hair!" Itachi snapped his fingers, and lo, and behold, a brush appeared... He approached Sasuke.  
  
Sasuke blinked.  
  
His hair? No way in hell, this is getting too far, damn hell too far...  
  
He flushed as he saw the slits of the dress he was wearing. What the hell was with his brother today?  
  
And why the hell does it have to be pink?  
  
"Get away from me!" Sasuke yelled as he backed away from Itachi.  
  
For the first time in his life, Sasuke was actually scared of his brother... Scared of this fashion-obsessed freak Itachi... He'd face the bloody murderer side of him a dozen times... But this version of Itachi? NO WAY!  
  
"Err... Aniki, what are you doing here by the way?"  
  
And the way dear Sasuke was staring at the brush Itachi was holding... It seemed like it was a nuclear bomb that would go off anytime...  
  
"I was right outside the opened window when the Kyuubi opened the cursed book." Itachi coolly replied. He smiled evilly. "Thank him for me, by the way... If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be sharing this quality time with my brother..."  
  
Sasuke's eyes widened.  
  
Itachi called this quality time?  
  
Seriously, what the hell was with him today?  
  
And if he knew better he was in a very serious danger...  
  
In a very serious danger with this fashion-obsessed freak Itachi...  
  
"How come I didn't feel you?"  
  
Dear Sasuke was pretty much determined to distract his brother's attention from doing 'that' thing...  
  
"Because unlike you, my dear Otouto, I am very careful." Itachi smirked. "Now, be a good girl and let dear brother brush your hair!"  
  
"No!" Sasuke yelled.  
  
Then at that moment, Kakashi laughed. That Kakashi whose nose was still stuck on the book, whose story he was supposed to be narrating, was actually laughing...  
  
Some may call it perfect timing...  
  
Sasuke and Itachi looked at him with that what-the-hell-is-so-funny expression on their faces.  
  
Okay, the "confrontation" between Sasuke and Itachi was definitely worth a laugh, with Sasuke half-scared to death, and the older Uchiha grinning like a maniac, but hey, they weren't in the right state of mind to realize that.  
  
"Boy! This.... Is... more... interesting... than ... Come Come Paradise!"  
  
Kakashi continued to laugh, and was laughing so hard, that he forgot to breathe oxygen into his system.  
  
What was he doing before that? Well, the silver-haired jounin was flipping through the pages of the book... So, literally, he now had an idea of what was bound to happen in the next chapters...  
  
Hence, he was laughing...  
  
Meanwhile, dear Sasuke, if still possible, paled even more. More interesting than Come Come Paradise? Seriously, what could be more interesting than that perverted book, by Kakashi's standards?  
  
Sasuke shivered at the thought.  
  
Damn Kakashi-sensei!  
  
Sasuke once again started his damn-speech, though this time Kakashi got the honor of being in the first sentence. Anyway...   
  
Several confusing minutes later...  
  
The silver-haired jounin finally calmed down, and for the first time, noticed Itachi's presence. "Itachi, you're here." He gave the Uchiha a curt nod.  
  
Itachi nodded in return, and still couldn't say anything. He wasn't over the shock yet of seeing the jounin dressed in a tunic, with what-the-hell- was-that-on-his-hair, who suddenly burst out laughing for no apparent logical reason at all...  
  
"I'm a god, you know." Kakashi said, sensing Itachi's confusion. He laughed once again.  
  
A god? Itachi thought, this is so weird...  
  
Kakashi then turned to his student. "Sasuke, is that really you?" His eyes widened, his mouth gaped open, seeing Sasuke dressed in a pink, Chinese- collared, sleeveless dress with slits that reached to his thighs.  
  
Why the hell didn't he bring a camera?  
  
He received a death glare in reply.  
  
Kakashi turned to Itachi. "Great make-over."  
  
Itachi smirked. "Thanks, took me some time though. Dear Otouto was a tricky customer..."  
  
"Kakashi-sensei? Aniki?" Sasuke yelled at the two, who were both laughing at the moment, "Could we go on with the story?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, right, the story." Kakashi coughed. "So, as I was saying, the princess had an older brother..."  
  
"Wait, how come he," Sasuke pointed at his brother, "Plays a he part?"  
  
"Blame the book, Otouto."  
  
"This is so unfair." Sasuke whined, as thoughts of conspiracies entered his mind.  
  
"Anyway, as I was saying, the princess had an older brother. They got along very well at first, because their parents had died... Okay, let's skip that part... Let's see... But as time passed by, the prince became envious of the attention the princess was getting..."  
  
"Me!" Itachi suddenly interrupted, "Envious of the attention Sasuke was getting? You must be joking!"  
  
"Would both of you stop interrupting!" Kakashi seriously said, turning the page of the book. "I'm only narrating! Besides, no one interrupts the all- powerful Kakashi!" He laughed once again.  
  
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Not again."  
  
Itachi could only blink in confusion. This is absolutely so weird...  
  
"The prince sort of saw the princess as a threat to his power, don't ask me why Itachi, I don't know... That somehow the princess could come into his, her, hell, whatever, senses and dethrone him... The prince was in fact a sorcerer. He had learned and mastered the dark arts at an early age. Now the prince was vain...Prince Itachi had a magic mirror locked in his room..."  
  
A mirror appeared out of nowhere...  
  
"I'm not vain!" Itachi defended.  
  
"Vain? A magic mirror locked in your room?" Sasuke repeated, chuckling. Itachi glared at him. "Aniki, I didn't know..."  
  
"This is only a story, Itachi." Kakashi coolly replied, slightly amused by the situation: of how one story could inflict torture over the two Uchihas.  
  
"And everyday, the prince will look into the mirror and say..."  
  
Itachi walked in front of the mirror. "Mirror, Mirror on the wall..."  
  
A green smoke emerged from the said mirror...  
  
Green? The silver-haired jounin sweat-dropped.  
  
The face of Gai appeared...  
  
That only meant one thing. Kakashi sighed. He had to cope with Gai's out-of- this-world orations again.  
  
"I am the magic mirror!" Gai said, flashing that smile. He looked at the two annoyed Uchihas, one wearing a pink, Chinese-collared, sleeveless dress, and the taller one, wearing a purple robe. "Good to see you, Uchihas! Good thing you two are in perfect health... Health is one thing that shouldn't be taken for granted, especially by the youth!" He turned to the bored face of his rival. "My rival! We meet once again!"  
  
Kakashi yawned and stretched his arms. "What time is it?"  
  
The two Uchihas rolled their eyes.  
  
"Why are you wearing a tunic? Can this be? You are a god while I'm just stuck being a mirror? No, this is impossible! My rival just beat me! No! I can't..."  
  
Kakashi turned to Itachi. "Ah, Itachi, say your lines, before I eventually fall asleep." He yawned once again.  
  
Itachi nodded. Upon seeing the waxed-bowl-head man with thick eyebrows, he had eventually arrived at a conclusion. All jounins must be this weird...  
  
"Mirror, Mirror on the wall..."  
  
A pause.  
  
"Ah... where's the Kyuubi?" Itachi absentmindedly asked.  
  
Kakashi, Sasuke, and even Gai sweat-dropped.  
  
"Err... Itachi," Kakashi beckoned to the Uchiha, "That's not what you were supposed to say..."  
  
"What am I supposed to say?" Itachi impatiently asked.  
  
Kakashi turned the pages of the book, read a few lines or so, then whispered something to Itachi.  
  
"What!" Itachi exclaimed, "I'm supposed to say that!" Kakashi nodded. Itachi muttered a curse or two before finally giving in. "Fine."  
  
"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall," Itachi was in front of the mirror once again. He hesitated before continuing. "Who is the fairest of them all?" He ran a hand through his hair to add to the effect.  
  
Sasuke started laughing. Itachi's sharingan started glowing. ." He glared at his brother. "Shut up, Otouto  
  
"And everyday, the mirror would reply..."  
  
Gai coughed. "You see Itachi, beauty is not at all vital to the development of one's individuality. The nature of beauty is not at all crucial, not like the essence of one's personality. Personality is what makes..."  
  
"Just give him the answer, Gai, damn it." Kakashi snapped, as Gai's speech was making him sleepy once again.  
  
"Yeah, fine." Gai glared at his rival. "It's not as if, you my rival, knew things about the essence of the good formation of the individuality and character of a person through..."  
  
"Gai!"  
  
"My lord, you are indeed the fairest in the land..."  
  
"The Prince was always content with the mirror's answer, until one day, the answer was different."  
  
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"  
  
And believe it or not, Itachi was actually getting the hang of it...  
  
"Alas! The mirror replied..."  
  
"Like what I said earlier," The face of Gai replied in a confident tone, "Beauty should not be considered as..."  
  
Itachi absentmindedly threw a kunai at the mirror, purposely missing it by a mere inch. "Just give me the answer." He dully said.  
  
"Youth these days, absolutely no respect for the elderly." Gai fretted, "My lord prince, you are indeed fair, but alas, the princess is indeed fairer than you..."  
  
Itachi sort of panicked. "What!"  
  
Sasuke smirked. Defeating his brother even just in looks was a big achievement. Not that he cared much about his looks, anyway...  
  
"Now the princess was incredibly beautiful than ever, having reached the age of promises and dreams," Kakashi grinned underneath his face mask, "Sweet sixteen as they call it... With his, her, hell, whatever, dark hair, ebony eyes, smooth skin as white as snow, lips as..."  
  
A glare from Sasuke... Trust his sensei to ruin everything...  
  
"Anyway," Kakashi coughed, once more turning to the book, "The prince's hatred for the princess grew, mainly because of envy..."  
  
It was Itachi's turn to glare at him this time. "How many times do I have to tell you that I do not envy Sasuke? I am not, and will never be envious of him! He's only a helpless weakling not worth my time!"  
  
"What did you say?" Sasuke yelled, clenching his fist and activating his sharingan, his hatred towards his brother returning full time...  
  
Itachi smirked evilly, his eyes glowing red. 'You want me to repeat it, Otouto? You're nothing but a helpless..."  
  
Kakashi swallowed hard. Okay, time for him to do something. "So anyway, the prince's hatred for the princess grew, and I don't know why, so don't ask me." He said, eventually interrupting the two. "So one day the prince decided to kill the princess..."  
  
Whew... Who knew that a narrator's job wasn't as easy as one, two, three?  
  
"So the prince summoned the big bad wolf to do the job for him. He was the prince, after all..."  
  
Itachi snapped his fingers.  
  
Poof!  
  
A confused Kiba and Akamaru appeared...  
  
Kiba blinked. "Where the hell am I?" He paled as he saw the wolf skin he was wearing... Take note... the wolf skin he was only wearing... "Gah! Why the hell am I wearing this? Gah!"  
  
Unluckily for him, the first person he saw when he looked up was Uchiha Sasuke...  
  
Yep, that Uchiha Sasuke who was dressed in a pink, Chinese-collared, sleeveless dress, with slits that reached to his thighs...  
  
Kiba blinked once more.  
  
"Mwah haha!"  
  
Sasuke definitely glared at him...  
  
(He started his damn-speech again, and yep, it was Kiba who got the privilege to be in the first sentence this time.)  
  
Kakashi, Itachi, and Gai rolled their eyes.  
  
After several minutes...  
  
Itachi smirked, "When you're finished drooling over my brother, or sister, hey, whatever..." Sasuke glared at him... "I got job for you to do..."  
  
"I really...can't...believe...this..." Kiba muttered, between his laughs. "Uchiha... Sasuke... the... Great... Uchiha Sasuke...former...number one...rookie...was... wearing... a... dress!"  
  
"Wait... till I... tell everyone... Mwah haha haha..."  
  
Another death glare...  
  
After several minutes, Kiba eventually calmed down. "Err... why are you wearing those?" He turned to look at Kakashi, who was wearing a tunic, to the mirror... Was that Gai-sama? To Itachi who was wearing a purple robe...  
  
"On second thoughts, never mind. I don't want to know, right Akamaru?" Kiba raced on, before Kakashi could even open his mouth and proudly say, "I'm a god..."  
  
"So anyway, Big bad wolf..." Itachi said, continuing the story...  
  
"I have a name you know," Kiba scowled, "Kiba. If I'm a big bad wolf..." He picked up and cuddled Akamaru, "This is my accomplice, Akamaru." Akamaru barked.  
  
"Fine. Whatever. I want you to bring the body of the princess to me... dead..."  
  
"Why the hell should I do that? Who just the hell are you to order me?"  
  
"I am Uchiha Itachi, that's why." Itachi coolly replied. Then he smirked.  
  
"I'll tell you where you can find Red Riding Hood and dear Grandma..."  
  
Silence. Kakashi, Sasuke, Kiba, and Gai just stared at the older Uchiha.  
  
"Or I can tell you how to blow the brick house of the three little pigs so you can eat them..."  
  
"What!" Kiba yelled, "What are you mental?"  
  
"Ah Kiba," Kakashi said, "Just agree, that's how the story goes..."  
  
Sasuke shook his head. Seriously, what the hell was with his brother today?  
  
Kiba groaned. "Fine. So what do you want me to do, Uchiha Itachi?"  
  
"Good question." Itachi thought for a while, "I want you to bring back the princess' heart in this box... On second thoughts... Just eat him alive..."  
  
Sasuke watched in awe as his brother suggested the weirdest of ways to kill him  
  
"Nah... just burn the princess in a stake... Poison him... Or prick his finger in a spindle... No, just bring the princess to a shop and buy him a couple of lovely gowns... or better still, bring him to a parlor and give him a makeover... Make him wear a bikini top..."  
  
Sasuke turned white. Gowns? A makeover? Bikini top? Gah...  
  
"Err, Sasuke," Kakashi said to his student, sort of sympathizing with him, "I guess you better run right now..."  
  
With a nod, Sasuke bolted off.  
  
"Make up your mind!" Kiba yelled, "Sasuke just ran away you know..."  
  
"Wait, I'm still thinking..." Itachi impatiently replied, "Fine. Just bring the princess back to me... alive... I'll think a better way to torture him... Or I think I'll just kill him myself..."  
  
Kiba and Akamaru left a still pondering Itachi, muttering something about a freak-who-started-suggested-weird-ways-then-decided-to-just-bring-back-the- target-alive.  
  
What a complete waste of time...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Okay, under normal circumstances, Sasuke wouldn't run. He would have boldly faced his fashion-obsessed brother and the big bad wolf... But hey, forget his pride! He didn't want a new gown, a makeover, nor to wear to a bikini top! Any more, and he'll really be insane...  
  
Damn. Sasuke cursed, as he ran as fast as he can, and as far as possible.  
  
When will this nightmare ever end? What other "surprises" are in store for him in this story?  
  
More interesting than Come Come Paradise... Yeah, right... 


	4. 4

Notes: I edited some things in this chapter... So, read on...  
  
Naruto was never mine, got that?  
  
"Flashback..."  
  
Kakashi yawned. Until now, he still had not completely recovered from the speech treatment Gai had given him earlier...  
  
Good thing he had to leave the castle and that noisy, and irritating mirror and go on with the story...  
  
Any more of it, and he'll be sleeping the whole day...  
  
Somebody had to lecture that waxed-bowl-head jounin about two-way conversations...  
  
And for heaven's sake...  
  
He had to find a way to cure this Gai-speech sleeping syndrome before it goes out of hand...  
  
He wondered whether Gai was the answer to the prayers of all insomniacs...  
  
"..."  
  
Anyway...  
  
"So Prince Itachi decided to kill Princess Sasuke, but the princess ran away just in time, so the prince sent the Big Bad Wolf after him, her, whatever..."  
  
Now, speaking of Princess Sasuke, where the hell was he, she, whatever?  
  
Sasuke tried to calm his erratic breathing. He was currently crouched on the tallest tree he could find, in what seemed to be a forest...  
  
All he could remember was that he ran and ran, and ran again, and ran...  
  
And the pink, Chinese-collared, sleeveless dress, with slits that reached to his thighs didn't make that thing easier at all...  
  
Only to find out that he was actually wearing high-heeled sandals...  
  
Damn his brother...  
  
Damn this miserable life...  
  
He knew he had to get away from his weird-fashion-obsessed brother and that crazy big bad wolf... He didn't want to die in the most painful of ways... He didn't want a makeover, a new-gown, or a bikini top either... No, thank you...  
  
They were hell of a lot worse than those rabid fan girls...  
  
Seriously, what the hell was with them today?  
  
So he ended up here...  
  
Okay, he guessed he was really in a forest. There were a couple of trees here and there; a faint light coming from he-didn't-know-where, and the air was damp and humid...  
  
Yep, he was definitely in a forest, all right...  
  
So, what to do now?  
  
He knew he was in an imminent danger as of the moment. He shouldn't be resting here, catching his breath, when he knew that there was a big bad wolf after him, especially since wolves were capable of smelling you a mile away.  
  
But hey, he was only human... Uchiha Sasuke gets tired too, you know...  
  
And the business between him and his brother... He knew that sooner or later, he had to face that fashion-obsessed side of his... Just thinking of those gowns his brother made him wear made him puke...  
  
And this forest was giving him the creeps... He didn't know what sort of animal would just pounce on him and make him its dinner... He hated to admit it, but he was completely helpless at the moment...  
  
Take note of this point in time, when Princess Sasuke admitted that he was completely helpless at the moment... It's history, It doesn't happen at all, you know...  
  
Sasuke didn't want to think about the next character he would meet along the way, or the next surprise planned just for him... He'll just completely lose his mind if he did just that...  
  
So, he knew that if he wanted to get out of this story alive and still sane, he had to think of a plan...  
  
He had to end this story right away... The sooner, the better... But how? He didn't know what would happen... He didn't know what should happen... Only his sen-...  
  
"Yo!"  
  
"What the hell..."  
  
To say that he was surprised and nearly fell out of the tree was an understatement... He was actually scared out of his wits by someone he didn't even feel approach him...  
  
He hated surprises. Especially when a big bad wolf was after him, and he was having an extremely bad day.  
  
Sasuke turned to glare at the silver-haired man who gave him a heart attack... well, almost...  
  
"What the hell, Kakashi-sensei!"  
  
Another point for the all-powerful Kakashi... Sasuke once again started his damn-speech, and once again, Kakashi had the honor of being in the first sentence...  
  
Oh well...  
  
Kakashi just grinned at his obviously irritated student, who was yelling and cursing like there was no tomorrow...  
  
It seemed like Sasuke was really having a bad day, ne?  
  
And who knew that the Uchiha prodigy could curse as good as his brother?  
  
"Ne, Princess Sasuke, I think you should be happy to see me." Kakashi pouted, once Sasuke had calmed down a bit. He opened the book and started reading again.  
  
Sasuke glared at his sensei once again. "Why the hell should I be happy to see you? You nearly gave me a heart attack surprising me like that, then..." He paused. "And don't even dare call me a princess!"  
  
"You said something, Princess Sasuke?"  
  
This is the point in time when Sasuke finally snapped, and started screaming his heart out, thoughts about the big bad wolf and his brother far from his mind. Very far from his mind...  
  
"WHY YOU JERK! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME A PRINCESS! I AM NOT A PRINCESS! NOT A PRINCESS! AND WOULD YOU STOP READING THAT DAMN BOOK AND LOOK AT ME!"  
  
A twig snapped.  
  
"I suggest you lower your voice, Princess Sasuke." Kakashi chuckled, still not looking at him. "We don't want the big bad wolf finding the pretty princess, don't we?"  
  
"Damn." Sasuke looked around, scanning the environment for the presence of Kiba and Akamaru. And damn... There they were. His chakra must have leaked out.  
  
"Damn, where's that Uchiha? I want this over with. What am I doing here in the first place? I wasn't supposed to follow orders from that freak." Kiba turned to Akamaru. "You say you felt the princess here, Akamaru, then where was he?"  
  
"Ne, Sasuke, I think you should give Kiba credits for calling you a "he", don't you think so?"  
  
Sasuke turned and gave Kakashi the-all-so-famous-look that could only mean, shut up, sensei...  
  
"Oh, so you're saying that Princess Sasuke is just on top of this tree? How interesting..."  
  
Damn. He's been spotted. Sasuke lifted his skirt, and prepared to jump to the next tree.  
  
"So Princess Sasuke was spotted by the big bad wolf while resting on the tallest tree he could find in the Enchanted Forest..."  
  
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'm in an enchanted forest?"  
  
Kakashi smirked. "You got that right, Sasuke."  
  
"Hey, Sasuke!" Kiba yelled. Sasuke stopped running to listen to Kiba for a while. "I know you're there, and let's not make this harder for any of us. I'm tired of chasing you, Akamaru too, and I know you're tired of running. I don't know what the hell your freak brother wanted with you, but hey, I'm ordered to take you back. So just show yourself, and I'll take you back. That way would be easier for both of us."  
  
Sasuke pondered on the offer for a while. Just show yourself? Hello? Did Kiba really lose his mind? He's talking to Uchiha Sasuke for heaven's sake... UCHIHA SASUKE... And if there's one thing Uchiha Sasuke didn't do, it's giving in without a fight. "How about, no?" He yelled back, before proceeding to jump to the next tree.  
  
Kakashi sighed. Figures... Sasuke was damn too stubborn... Just like Naruto... But hey, it would be best if Sasuke just lower his pride and give in this time. Sooner or later, he would be caught and brought back to the castle. That was what was supposed to happen in the first place...  
  
Sasuke could be very stupid sometimes...  
  
Anyway...  
  
Kiba scowled. "Fine, Uchiha, fine." What was he, a nanny chasing a stubborn brat? Aargh... how the hell did he get into this mess in the first place? That Naruto... He'll pay this time... "Akamaru, let's go..."  
  
"So Princess Sasuke began to run again, after being found by the Big Bad Wolf..."  
  
"I told you not to call me a prin- what the hell!"  
  
"Only to end up being caught in a trap set specifically just for him, her, whatever..."  
  
"Oh damn. Where the hell is my kunai?" Sasuke said, as he struggled furiously to get free.  
  
"I don't think you can get free, Sasuke-kun." came a giggling voice.  
  
Sasuke froze. That voice... Oh no, please, not them...  
  
"That's right... Oh... Isn't he cute?"  
  
Sasuke stared in horror as he saw two familiar girls approach him...  
  
Two very familiar girls....  
  
One blond, and the other pink-haired...  
  
"Damn." Sasuke muttered before he completely passed out...  
  
"So Princess Sasuke gets caught by Sakura, the Bad Fairy and Ino, the Wicked Witch of the West... The two girls happily carried poor princess Sasuke back to their cottage..."  
  
Kakashi grinned, as he closed the book. "This really is getting interesting..."  
  
The next morning...  
  
A blinding light filled his vision, forcing poor dear Sasuke to open his eyes. He closed them once again. After a second or so, he opened them.  
  
Where was he?  
  
Sasuke sat up, and looked around. He was in a comfortable bed, still dressed in a pink, Chinese-collared, sleeveless dress, with slits that reached to his thighs (which, for the first time, was a good thing). The curtains had been drawn, causing a bright light to enter the room, that light that had annoyingly woke him up earlier. The walls were painted white, and the place smelled mainly of sweet cinnamon.  
  
"Oh good thing, you're awake, Princess Sasuke."  
  
Sasuke glanced at the direction of the voice. There on a chair just opposite the bed sat the silver-haired jounin, still wearing that tunic and that whatever-that-was tucked into his ear, and still reading that damn book.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
He saw Kakashi close the book and then looked at him. Sasuke blinked. For the first time in his miserable life, his sensei was actually paying attention.  
  
The same question... What the hell was with the world today?  
  
"Oh, that." Kakashi grinned, "You're actually in the cottage of the Bad Fairy and the Wicked Witch of the West."  
  
Sasuke paled as the events of yesterday rushed back at him. The appearance of the fashion-obsessed freak side of Itachi, the Magic Mirror, the Big Bad wolf... The Enchanted Forest, then Sakura and Ino...  
  
There goes thoughts that everything was just a nightmare...  
  
And if he knew better, he was actually in trouble at the moment... What was it that they say about rabid fan girls? Oh yeah, the only creatures more dangerous than them are rabid dinosaurs. Hey, even Sasuke was scared of them...  
  
Sasuke stood, plans of escape flooding his mind. He went to the only window in the room, to find it barred with iron bars. The door was locked as well. He growled.  
  
Kakashi watched his student in amusement. "I guess they made triple sure you won't escape this time..." He received a glare in reply.  
  
Sasuke immediately flopped himself back to bed when he heard footsteps coming his way. He then heard the door being unlocked, and Sakura appeared, wearing a black dress, a contrast to her pink hair. She was carrying a tray.  
  
Sakura sweetly smiled at the person she oh-so-admired. "Good morning, Sasuke! I brought you some breakfast!" She placed the tray next to his bed. "How are you feeling?"  
  
How am I feeling? You wanted to ask how I'm feeling? I've been here in this stupid fairy tale ever since yesterday, tortured by a crazy god, made fun by my fashion-obsessed freak brother, irritated by talking mirror, chased by a mad wolf, and then now, kidnapped by the two most dangerous creatures in earth, and you wanted to know how I'm feeling?  
  
Oh, please...  
  
Sasuke winced, and glared at Sakura. "I'm fine, Sakura."  
  
Oh well, back to stoic mode...  
  
Sakura smiled once again. She stared at Sasuke with those eyes, noticing the fact that the Uchiha do look kinda cute and sexy at the same time wearing that pink, Chinese-collared, sleeveless dress, with slits that reached to his thighs... She wondered how the Uchiha would look... naked... Oh well, she blushed at the thought.  
  
Sasuke then debated whether he would eat the rice balls and drink the tea she had brought him. "Just don't drink the tea, Sasuke." He heard his sensei mutter. Sasuke shrugged and proceeded to eat the rice balls...  
  
In fairness, these rice balls are definitely delicious...  
  
"Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing here?"  
  
It was the first time Sakura had noticed the presence of the jounin. And well, she was in a state of ecstasy considering the fact that there was a beautiful angel in front of her and that angel was actually eating the rice balls and tea mixed with some potion made just for him...  
  
"Why are you wearing that?" She stared at the tunic and the olive branch in morbid fascination.  
  
Kakashi's face brightened up. "I'm a god!"  
  
Sakura sweat dropped. "A god?"  
  
Sasuke shook his head. Oh please, don't ask...  
  
Just then, Ino, who was wearing a witch outfit, complete with the hat, barged into the room and hugged Sasuke. Sasuke choked, and tried to get free from Ino's grip, but damn, he didn't know that rabid fan girls could be this strong, especially when they're holding precious Sasuke.  
  
"Ne, Sasuke-kun," Ino purred, "Did you miss me?"  
  
Sasuke's eyes widened. "Get off me, Ino! Get off!"  
  
Just then Ino was yanked away from him, by an obviously jealous Sakura.  
  
"Why you, Ino-pig! How dare you hug my Sasuke!"  
  
"Your Sasuke?" Ino laughed, "You mean my Sasuke, Sakura wide-forehead!"  
  
"Ino-pig! He's not yours!! He's mine!"  
  
"Ne, Sasuke." Ino once again inched closer to Sasuke and wrapped her arms around his neck, "You like me, don't you, Sasuke?"  
  
Oh, hell... This is the part he'd been dreading for... "Get off me, Ino! Get off!" He pushed the girl away from him. "I don't like both of you and I don't belong to either of you, you got that?" He matched this with his oh- so-famous glare.  
  
To his dismay however, the two girls merely smiled. Let's just say that these two girls were the only member of the rabid fan girls club that were actually immune to the Uchiha death glare...  
  
Keyword... Get used to it...  
  
"See, Ino-pig, he doesn't like you!"  
  
"Shut up, Sakura, he doesn't like you either, because you have a wide forehead!"  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"The truth hurts, right, Sakura? He likes me better than you!"  
  
"Would you two shut up!" Sasuke yelled. Both girls stopped in an instant. "I'm going now, thanks for the breakfast, anyway."  
  
Both girls looked at each other. Sakura smiled, which frightened Sasuke to end. "Not so fast, Sasuke, we got you now, do you think we'll let you escape again?"  
  
"I'll let you go, Sasuke." Ino chirped. "In one condition, you'll be my boyfriend!"  
  
Sasuke blinked. Uh-oh. He brought back what he had said earlier, that his fashion-obsessed-brother and that big bad wolf were hell a lot worse than these rabid fan girls. Recent events changed his mind, and allowed him to conclude one thing.  
  
Rabid fan girls were the worst. Nothing and no one could beat them in that category.  
  
A point each for Sakura and Ino, for being in the first sentence of the ever so popular Sasuke's damn-speech.  
  
"Why you, Ino! You won't be Sasuke's girlfriend! Over my dead body! You hear me?" Sakura turned to Sasuke. "Sasuke, I'll let you go, if you promised to go out with a date with me."  
  
Meanwhile, Kakashi just watched in amusement. The way those two girls were drooling over the Uchiha prodigy... And oh, look at poor Sasuke. He looked like he was ready to kill, just like yesterday, when Itachi had forced those outfits on him, and actually threatened him with a bikini top...  
  
"..."  
  
Oh well, time to continue the job of a narrator...  
  
"So Princess Sasuke ended up being "harassed" by the Bad Fairy and the Wicked Witch of the West."  
  
Sasuke glared at his always pervert-minded-sensei. He then heard the door being forced open, and Kiba arrived, still wearing that wolf skin, with Akamaru at his side.  
  
"And the Big Bad wolf and his accomplice arrived just in time to join the fun..."  
  
"There you are, Princess Sasuke!" Kiba yelled, dragging the Uchiha with him, "You got me into enough trouble already, Princess, trying to find your ass ... I met three crazy bears already, not to mention seven dwarves, and that frog... I'm bringing you back to your brother, now!"  
  
Only to end up being dragged back by Ino.  
  
"Do you think I'll allow that?" Ino yelled at Kiba, as her grip on the Uchiha tightened.  
  
Kiba scowled, not expecting a fight with these rabid fan girls. He had heard so many stories about these girls... Not at all good, considering the things they could do when it involved a certain Uchiha. But hey, he had a job to do. "Listen, woman." He got hold of Sasuke's other arm and dragged him. "I have a job to do, so let go, if you don't want to get hurt. Itachi would kill me if I didn't find him..."  
  
"Let go of Sasuke, you two! You're hurting him!" Sakura wailed, and pushed Ino in the process.  
  
End result: A tug of war, with poor Sasuke stuck in the middle. He was still confused with the turn of events, and still can't do anything.  
  
"Several minutes later, the three had succumbed to a shouting match, and Sasuke was momentarily forgotten..."  
  
"He's mine, you big bad wolf, don't you dare touch him!"  
  
"I'm not interested with him, witch, I just have to bring him back to his brother!" Akamaru barked in agreement.  
  
"Sasuke's not yours, you filthy witch! Stay away from him, wolf! He's mine!"  
  
"Meanwhile, Princess Sasuke had enough sense left in him, her, to use the chance to escape. He, she, hell, whatever, bolted off at once."  
  
"Oh, look." Kiba fidgeted. "This is all your fault." He glared at the two girls before following Princess Sasuke.  
  
Ino and Sakura exchanged furious looks, before following Kiba. Ino summoned her magic broom, while Sakura waved her magic wand.  
  
Kakashi by now was laughing his heart out. "Let's...picture out the... scene, shall we? Princess Sasuke... was running, followed by the Big Bad Wolf... closely followed by... the Wicked Witch of the West and... the Bad Fairy..."  
  
"Really interesting..." He too got up, and followed them outside.  
  
Prince Itachi, who finally thought of a way to torture his brother, was watching the events in his magic crystal. He got fed up, and followed the princess himself, muttering something about useless wolves that can't get a job done, and crazy rabid fan girls.  
  
Meanwhile, the princess in question was running, and running once again. He didn't care where he was going. He knew he just have to get away from those crazy people as soon and as far as possible.  
  
Sasuke barely had enough time to notice that there was a tiny figure floating beside him as he ran. He glanced side wards, and noticed that it was the miniature version of the Heir to the Hyuuga clan, dressed in light blue, holding a crystal magic wand. "Hinata? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm...you're...fairy... god mother... Sasuke-kun." Hinata stuttered.  
  
"Oh, I have one?" Sasuke sarcastically asked. He glanced back wards and noticed that Kiba was closing on him. "Listen, can you do something about those people chasing me?"  
  
"Sure... Sasuke-kun." Hinata waved her wand and mist began to fill the air. In this case, it would be impossible for them to track the Uchiha.  
  
Sasuke barely have enough time to thank Hinata when he heard a cold voice in midair. "Not so fast, Sasuke."  
  
Itachi? Sasuke shivered as he activated his sharingan and scanned the surroundings for his brother. Oh great, with this mist, he couldn't...  
  
He then heard Hinata scream.  
  
Silence...  
  
"Hinata?" Damn. The fog was thickening.  
  
"Where are you, Aniki?" He asked in the calmest voice he could muster.  
  
He then heard shurikens coming his way. He barely dodged them in time.  
  
Silence.  
  
Sasuke breathed hard, trying to calm his pounding heart. Where was the bastard? He then saw a set of kunais thrown at him. He avoided them too. He alerted his senses.  
  
"Right behind you, Otouto." Sasuke barely registered his surprise when crimson eyes met his, and a fist came in contact with his stomach. He was knocked off unconscious.  
  
"Now, be a good girl, Princess." Itachi smirked, as picked up the unconscious Sasuke and brought him back to the palace.  
  
Sasuke woke up to find himself back in the palace. He was in bed, and still dressed in the pink, Chinese-collared dress, with slits that matched to his thighs (and for the second time, it was a good thing,). There was the magic mirror on his left, which was covered with cloth, with two kunais stabbed on its side. Itachi probably grew tired of listening to that waxed-bowl- head jounin...  
  
Speaking of the devil, where was he?  
  
"Nice to see you, Otouto." Itachi appeared, smirking at his brother.  
  
"You bastard, what the hell did you do to me? Where's Hinata?" Sasuke yelled, activating his sharingan, and was preparing to attack Itachi, when the two chains that were tied around his hand held him back. "Bastard, let me go."  
  
Itachi calmly sat at the side of the bed. "Ever the stubborn one, are we, Sasuke?"  
  
Sasuke could not reply as he felt his energy leave him. He collapsed on the bed, and closed his eyes, as his head felt dizzy.  
  
"Oh, I see the potion is starting to take effect on you..."  
  
"Potion?" Sasuke asked wearily. He just had this urge to just fall into nothingness.  
  
He saw his brother smile. "The potion I have the liberty of preparing just for my beloved brother when you were away..."  
  
"You bastard."  
  
"Don't blame me, Sasuke, that was what the book said..."  
  
Itachi smiled once again. "I was just wondering, Otouto, if you knew what fairy tales have in common..."  
  
What do fairy tales have in common? What kind of question is that?  
  
He heard a chuckle from his brother. "I guess I'll have to answer that question for you, huh, Sasuke?"  
  
Let's see... We have the damsel in distress here, she gets in trouble, the knight in shining armor appears, saves her from the wicked witch, and they live happily ever after... What else is common besides that?  
  
"That's right, but there's one more thing." Itachi grinned, as if reading Sasuke's mind.  
  
"All fairy tales...end... with... a... kiss, Otouto, didn't you notice that?"  
  
A kiss?  
  
No... way...  
  
And as our dear princess Sasuke finally succumbed into a deep sleep, he couldn't help but wonder...  
  
If he was the princess,  
  
Then who was his charming prince?  
  
"So Princess Sasuke fell into a deep sleep, a sleep that would last for a hundred years, until the prince, who was destined to save him, appears, overcomes all evil, and gives him a kiss, a one kiss of true love, and break the spell."  
  
Kakashi grinned.  
  
Poof  
  
Next chapter: It's Naruto, finally... :j  
  
Review... 


	5. 5

Sorry for late update... :) Thanks for the reviews... Read on folks...

A blond-haired shinobi lay immobile on the floor, curled up like a fox, obviously enjoying his sleep. He moved to his left, then to his right... (Okay, he just moved, got that...) The said blonde sat up, muttering something about his bed being rigid, and something about a nice cup of ramen. He yawned, rubbed his eyes, with a rather cute pout adoring his cheeks (something to rival the Uchiha's adorable scowl... yaay!). Sparkling clear blue eyes opened at once.

....

....

Naruto just stared...

....

....

And stared some more...

....

....

He looked around, pinched his skin, and slapped his face, just to convince himself that he was still in dreamland....

....

....

He felt something.... So that only means...

Naruto's eyes widened in realization.

So that only means....

"WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The blonde cried, running around in circles, obviously in panic... "Where am I? WAH! Where am I? WAH!" The last thing he remembered was that he was in the old hag's office... Then Sasuke said something....

"WAH!" It was that Uchiha's fault... He said something... Maybe an incantation, a jutsu, a seal, or that sort...He did something that transported Naruto here... Sasuke was too jealous of him... Because he was stronger that him... Right... First, he tried to kill him... (He had blur recollections of being roughly pushed down the floor... Not that, you perverts....) Now, he did this...WAH!!! That bastard... He'll pay... WAH!!! What would happen to him? No one around... No ramen... WAH! NO RAMEN! He'll get sick... He'll eventually die because of no ramen... Then he wouldn't be the Sixth Hokage... WAH! He wouldn't let this to happen! He couldn't let this thing to happen! WAH!

Oh well, the extremities of Naruto's imagination....

...

...

"Shut-up, kid..."

Naruto blinked. He turned around to see his sensei....

His sensei... Yeah, right... What was he doing here anyway?

Wait... Was that Kakashi-sensei in a white tunic, with that olive branch tucked into his right (or was it left? Never mind...) ear, with an irritated grin behind his mask...

Naruto blinked once more... Maybe he was still in dreamland after all...

But what was a white tunic- clad Kakashi-sensei doing in his dreams? Yaay...

Sigh... Here we go again....

"WAH!" Naruto once again started to run in circles. "Pervert! Get away from me pervert! WAH!"

Kakashi sighed. What could be expected from a noisy, hyperactive blonde?

At least Naruto didn't ask why... :)

"Naruto, shut up!"

Naruto stopped to look once more at his sensei. "Why are you wearing that?" He pointed an accusing finger at the said tunic... "Pervert..." He muttered as an aftermath...

Okay, let me rephrase what I said earlier... At least Naruto didn't first ask why...

Anyway...

Kakashi, as always, brightened up like a puppy, and answered the question with the same I'm-a-god-don't-dare-defy-me-speech... Oh well, we could skip that part...

Naruto rolled his eyes. A god? What was that? Weird... Good thing he had enough sense left to ask where the hell they were at the moment...

"You brought us all here, brat." Kakashi coolly replied, as he opened the book and started reading, pausing once in a while to look at Naruto.

Oh well, back to business...

Naruto's mouth meanwhile, gaped open, as he remembered (finally!) what happened... He then looked questionably at his sensei, who was still busy scrutinizing him.... "What!"

"Naruto." Kakashi started, closing the book.

Naruto gulped. Why the hell did Kakashi sound too serious?

"Naruto." Kakashi continued, walking towards his student.

What? Naruto's insides screamed... Were they stuck here forever? Was there no way out? Was the old hag lying? Was he sick? Was... Was he dying?

Did he have to die?

What?

"Naruto..."

Naruto's heart began to pound heavily against his chest. What did he do? What would happen to them? Just break the news, damn it...

"Naruto..."

"What... What exactly are you doing here?"

...

...

Okay... give Naruto a few more seconds before those words sunk in...

...

"Nani!" The blonde screamed. "What do you mean watexactlyareyadoinhere?" He backed away from his sensei. "What are you? Mental?"

"You just told me we're here because of that book, damn it!"

Kakashi shook his head. "Naruto, you're not supposed to appear yet... According to this book," He opened the said damn cursed book, as quoted by dear Princess Sasuke, "The so-called prince should have appeared..."

Naruto looked blankly at the silver-haired jounin before him as though he'd just proudly proclaimed that he stopped reading all those perverted books of his...

Or he started walking around the village without his facemask...

If ever that would happen... If ever that point of time will come...

Prince? What was his sensei talking about?

"But since the princess was a he, so basically the prince should be..."

Okay, did he just hear the words prince and princess... again? What was his sensei on about? Did his sensei hit his head on a wall; had a memory relapse, or something?

"Oh my god..." Kakashi's mouth gaped open, as once again, he finally comprehended what was supposed to happen in the story...

Keyword: Finally...

Jeez, excuse Kakashi for being slow these days... I guess the god business was slowly getting into him... Anyway...

"Oh my god..." Kakashi stood rigid in shock, "Don't tell me you're the so-called prince... and the princes was, and the princess was..."

Naruto blinked. A prince? Seriously, did Kakashi-sensei really hit his head harder this time? "I am?"

A few minutes of silence... And then,

"Mwwah hah hah hahah ha aha ha hah ha"

Jeez, see how our favorite pervert jounin took the news...

He was really, as in really laughing his heart out... And boy! It was even more annoying than the last time...

Who wouldn't?

Naruto, meanwhile, was freaking out... Talk about walls and memory relapses...

I mean it's not everyday that you see your sensei laughing like that, as in laughing like that, with Kakashi's face red from laughing a little too much, and puffed, obviously from the lack of oxygen into his system...

Hey, it's not everyday you realize something like that, either...

So, anyway... After some blah blah blah blah minutes... I'm not counting this time...

"Oh boy! I love my job!" Kakashi cried, stretching his arms. He then grinned at Naruto who was getting nervous every minute. "Oh well, better go on with the story..."

"So after a hundred years, the destined one was born, tasked to break the spell and save the princess from the wicked clutches of evil..."

"He was named..." Kakashi looked at Naruto fondly, "Naruto..."

"Nani!!!" As dear Sasuke said it... Anymore of this and he'll seriously be insane...

"The boy's mother died giving birth to him, and well the father, for no reason at all... Okay, it wasn't stated here... Wait, it was... The father remarried again because he knew the boy needed a mother, but then after a year, the boy's father had an accident and died, so the boy got to stay with his stepmother, who got hitched again, but then after a year the stepmother died, I guess she died because of a mysterious disease... Three deaths...Wow that was tragic..."

Naruto's eyes were widening each minute. Would somebody mind explaining everything to him?

Wait, would somebody _please_ explain?

"So in short, Naruto had no choice but to stay with the hubby of his stepmother, who died also... Okay, that was really tragic... Four deaths... I guessed I should have skipped that part, huh, Naruto..."

Naruto could only nod in confusion. In such state of mind, what was there to say anyway?

"Now, the husband of Naruto's stepmother left behind two sons. So Naruto had to live with two of his, well, I'm not sure what to call them, I mean they're not exactly your brothers, right..." Kakashi shrugged, and turn to Naruto. He grinned in a devious way... Okay, Naruto didn't seem to notice the grin... The mask perfectly hid it.

"Naruto, are you still there?"

Okay, he could say that again... Naruto looked like....

Well, I didn't know exactly how to describe how he looked as of the moment... He looked actually shocked, confused, dazed, and a little too disoriented.... A very frightening combination... A very funny one too...

"Hey, Naruto," Kakashi repeated, amusement still evident in his voice, "Are you still there?"

"Uh-huh." Naruto nodded in confirmation, though one could still see in his unfocussed clear blue eyes his apparent confusion.

Kakashi grinned once more. Naruto seemed to struggle between the realms of consciousness and passing out... He vividly remembered Sasuke's aggressive reaction... Honestly speaking, that was the kind of reaction he expected from the hyperactive brat... _This_ was the reaction he thought he'd see from the usually stoic boy... Seemed like those two swapped roles this morning...

And to say, this was only because of the exposition... Wait till they reached the climax part...

Kakashi could barely suppress a laugh when he imagined their faces once they found who they were... And what they were, ehem, about to do...

Because right now, Kakashi already knew...

Well, as if they haven't done it before... (The "incident" at the Academy...), They just have to do it "properly" this time...

"So Naruto, I should just say that they were your stepbrothers okay?"

Poof!

A very annoyed Shikamaru and a baffled Chouji appeared. Shikamaru wore a cloak, quite similar to what Itachi wore, while Chouji wore what looked like, well, a Humpty Dumpy suit...

Naruto gave one good look at Shikamaru, then at Chouji, and finally, at his sensei...

...

...

...

Naruto rolled his eyes.

That was when he passed out...

"How troublesome..." Shikamaru complained, as he yawned and went back to sleep.


	6. 6

Once again, a blond-haired shinobi lay like dead on the rigid floor, watched on by the oh-so-famous god Kakashi, who was still reading the said cursed book.

Though this time, it was obvious that he wasn't enjoying his sleep.

The Wizard was sleeping, while Humpty Dumpy sat on a wall, mumbling something about an empty stomach.

That was totally expected...

Naruto woke up at last, sat up, mumbled something about ramen, and glanced around the room...

Suddenly...

"Wah!!!!!!"

Kakashi almost fell off his seat, as the ear-warming scream caught him off-guard. Shikamaru meanwhile, was furious.

Deadly furious...

It was a crime to wake someone up from sleep, and those guilty should be given non other than the shut-the-hell-up punishment.

Duh! Why couldn't they let him rest in peace? Everyone had a right to a peaceful sleep, damn it! And what one dumb blonde was doing was a total violation of human rights! Didn't he know that?

I wouldn't dare discuss the provisions of the punishment, as to Shikamaru's terms... It was simply...

Weird.

As I was saying, Shikamaru dragged a still probing Chouji from the wall... Chouji did not have a great fall so don't ask me why he was still fixed and all...

Shikamaru snapped, and there appeared a rope, and a cloth. Some people were just given the power to do that.

Naruto quieted down a little, as he saw Shikamaru and Chouji closing in on him. Both boys looked like zombies! But what scared him most was that gleam in Shikamaru's eyes... There was definitely something wrong here.

The kitsune blinked.

In the name of sleep, Shikamaru was ready to kill.

What about the rope and the cloth? You'll see...

Shikamaru and Chouji tackled Naruto, and an earsplitting scream was once again heard from the blonde. The three of them disappeared in a cloud of dust, amidst punches, kicks, yelps of pain (which definitely was from Naruto...), etc.

After some more punches, kicks, yelps of pain, etc...

Mission Accomplished.

Naruto sat on the floor, with his big mouth covered by the cloth, and his whole body was tied so tight that he couldn't even move a nanometer.

Poor Naruto... He looked horrified....

Didn't they know that this was also a violation of human rights?

This earned him a satisfied smirk from Shikamaru, who once again lay on the corner, and well, you could have guessed what he did. Chouji once again started to mumble about barbeque.

Back to normal...

Kakashi grinned as he crouched down to face his student. He loved this part!

"So, Naruto, how are you?" He asked, as innocently as possible.

Naruto made some gestures, some signs, some sounds, totally inaudible to his sensei.

"Ne, Naruto, you said something?"

Naruto glared at his sensei. He went on to mumble some few, ah, curses...

What was on his mind? The innocent façade was simply disgusting.

To Naruto's utmost dismay, Kakashi once again started to tell the story... I wouldn't say explain, as you can see, it was making our dear blonde as confused as ever.

Naruto blinked. Was he hearing things about princesses, mirrors, castles, etc? Again? What the hell was wrong with his sensei? Did he finally reach his final mental breaking point?

Let's go to the part, which Naruto dared to listen...

"Okay, Naruto. I would take the cloth off, but no screaming. Deal?"

Naruto quickly nodded.

Kakashi was about to untie the cloth, when he once again eyed his student. "Really, no screaming..."

Naruto nodded. Just take the cloth off, Kakashi-sensei!

"I'll count one to three, okay... No screaming!"

One.

Two.

Naruto grinned mischievously. Here we go!

Three.

Kakashi took off the cloth. "Now, just as you promised..."

Naruto breathed heavily. He then smiled.

Uh-oh.

"Wah!!!!!!"

Kakashi fell over. "Oh, damn..."

Shikamaru woke up once again, and he was really angry this time. He'd been disturbed for the fourth time! That was unforgivable! "Damn it, Naruto...."

Naruto suddenly stopped. "It was only a joke, Kakashi-sensei!"

He earned a smack both from Kakashi and Shikamaru.

Why the sudden change in behavior? Simple, really...

After listening to the weird explanations of the oh-so-powerful god, as he claimed himself, and judging from the looks of Shikamaru and Chouji, Naruto had, well, convened with his rational mind, as he so declared, to conclude that this was just one hell of a dream...

Or a nightmare, for that matter...

So, let's go on with the story...

Kakashi snapped. And there appeared Naruto dressed like a Dutch milkmaid... Yep... complete with the apron and the headdress... What more could I say?

"Wah! What did you do to me! Pervert! Pervert! Wah! Take these off me!! Wah!"

Kakashi paid no heed, as the blonde continued to grumble about well, his costume...

"Where was I? Ah I remember... So as I was saying, Naruto got stuck with his ... err...relatives... The Wizard of Oz and Humpty Dumpy... I don't honestly know what to call their relationship." Kakashi said as he held the old book once more. He grinned. "Naruto, you were simply related to them, got that?"

What a totally reliable narrator... Oh, well...

"Huh?" Naruto mumbled. Simply related to whom? Wait, to what? And damn! Bring my old clothes back!! Get these off me! Wah!

"So... anyway... it says's here that the orphan boy was maltreated, oppressed, taken advantage of, beaten... Okay, we could skip that.... In short, Orphan Boy gets ordered by the Wiz of Oz and Humpy Dumpy."

Two more blinks for Naruto. What did his sensei just call them? Was he really out of his mind? And these clothes! Wah! He was being mistaken for a girl! Wah!

Silence. Nothing can be heard except the snores of one soundly sleeping Shikamaru, one mumbling Chouji, and the silent inner battle of wits of Naruto.

Kakashi sighed. "Naruto. You. Are. Supposed. To. Act. A. Part."

"Why?"

"Because everyone here inside the book gets to act a part, and in your case, you are to be the boy I was referring to earlier."

"Why?"

"Because that was what was assigned to you."

"Why?"

"Aaargh..." Kakashi scowled. "Because that's how the story goes, baka!"

Silence.

More silence.

"Ah...Why?"

Relax Kakashi. Relax. It was only Naruto. It was only that annoying brat testing your patience. Breathe. One. Two. Three.

At last, Naruto spoke up. "Ah! I got it! We're all acting fairy character parts in the story!"

Kakashi breathed a sign of relief... Finally...

Only to be ruined by Naruto's next question...

"Wait... Why do I have to be the orphan boy if this was my dream? I was supposed to get the main lead, right?"

"Naruto." Kakashi closed his eye... The other one was already covered, right? "We'll. Just. Go. On. With. The. Story. Do. You. Understand."

Just to let you know... Each word was heavily emphasized...

Naruto snorted. "Whatever..."

Starting an argument with one silver-haired jounin was pointless. And Naruto actually knew that, amazing it might seem... Wah! These clothes! Wah!

"So, anyway, Orphan Boy gets ordered by the Wizard of Oz and Humpty Dumpy."

"Really, Kakashi-sensei, why do I..."

"Shut up, Naruto! Not a single damn word from you!" Kakashi turned to the sleeping Shikamaru and the pondering Chouji. "You two say your lines! Before I... Aarggh!" First Gai, and now Naruto! Aarggh! Must a god actually suffer like this?

Everyone has a breaking point you know... Take Sasuke and now, Kakashi-sensei for example...

Shikamaru tossed and rolled over. "Just shut the hell up Naruto!"

"Some barbeque?" Chouji mumbled.

"You two... say your lines... or I'll..."

"Turn some straw into gold."

"I know! Teach a pig to fly and a cow to sing!"

"What! I'm a ninja not a magician for heaven's sake!!!"

"Just give me a comfortable bed, and a pair of earmuffs..."

"I want two platters of roasted chicken, more barbeque, some beef steak..."

"Yeah, yeah, I got the point." Naruto walked away. "After this Kakashi sensei, you better be taking off these damn maid clothes!"

He didn't mean it _that_ way, folks...

"And so, Naruto went out, and having no clue, where to find those things, became desperate. Yep... He won't be allowed to enter the house without them... That was how cruel the Wizard of Oz and Humpy Dumpy were... Poor Naruto..."

"What!" Naruto panicked. "But that's violation of human rights, right!" He was aware of his rights. Yep.

'We didn't say that!" Chouji and Shikamaru cried defensively. The idea of being actually sued for violation of human rights woke Shikamaru up. Hey, it was as if, Naruto knew he could actually do that.

"And so... Upon walking, he stumbled upon a pair of lovely red boots."

Red boots? What now?

"Naruto picked them up... And as his tender hand brushed against the warm leather..."

Excuse the vocabulary of a god who reads Come, Come Paradise.

"A smoke emerged, and lo and behold, a magical genie appeared..."

Poof

It was Neji this time guys...

Three blinks. One each for Naruto, Shikamaru, and Chouji...

Silence.

And then...

"Mwa hah ha haha..." Came their thunderous laughs.

Yep... Neji was the genie, of the red boots, so to speak...

What the other three were desperately laughing about? It's not actually the vest, the pajamas, the eloquently designed shoes, nor the fact that he was floating on air...

It's the hair, folks... It's the pony-tailed hair... ala Genie... :)

Neji closed his eyes in apparent anger. Must he suffer such humiliation? Must his fate actually be this cruel to him?

Fate was a typical Neji thing.

Once Naruto, Shikamaru, and Chouji settled down a bit.

"I am the genie of the red boots. Give me three wishes."

"Really! Really!" Naruto drools. "Any three wishes?" Neji glared. "Okay! Okay! I wish for some..."

Let's say the 'r' word together. It was so much fun to do that.

"Ramen! Ramen! Some ramen! More ramen!"

Kakashi and Shikamaru sweat dropped. Meanwhile, the Genie shook his head, as he snapped his fingers and muttered, "Your wish is my command."

Chouji, meanwhile, joined Naruto in eating up all the ramen. There was so much ramen that Naruto didn't bother sharing.

After some minutes, which brought about another sleeping Shikamaru, Naruto and Chouji had finished all the ramen.

"Wow." Naruto lay on the floor, fully satisfied with what he just ate. "I could die any time."

Neji scowled. "Two. More. Wishes."

"I wish for..."

'Brat." Kakashi interrupted, "This was the part where you were supposed to be wishing to become a prince."

'What! I'm the prince! Yaay! This was really my dream! I got the lead role!! Yep! Yep! Yep! I got to beat Sasuke! Yep!"

"Wait..." Naruto said, once he gave the idea some thought. "Wait, Kakashi-sensei, is there a king or an emperor in this story?"

Kakashi shook his head. Naruto and his extreme imagination... "Of course, not."

"Ha! I'm the prince! I've beaten Sasuke! I'm better than that arrogant bastard, anyway! Maybe he was my whipping boy!"

Not actually...

So Naruto wished to be a prince, and the genie of the red boots granted the wish, but not before he muttered something about Naruto and his fate... blah, blah, blah... Oh, well... He was Gai's student.

Naruto looked at his newly fashioned armor, admiring it at every angle. This was definitely better than the stupid maid's dress.

If there was a prince, and this was a fairy tale, then... "Kakashi-sensei, so this means there was a princess!"

Kakashi grinned.

"Who is she? Who is she? Is she pretty? Is it Sakura?"

Kakashi grinned further. "It's a... secret..."

Naruto pouted. "Why?"

"Because it's a... surprise." Kakashi coughed. "Code of Secrecy."

"What? Oh, come on... "

Yeah... About that one... No one is allowed to tell anything whatsoever about the outcome of this story... Which means no one is allowed to tell Naruto who the princess was... Save the best for last... ;)

"I can't tell you Naruto..." Because I would very much like to see both your damn silly reactions... "You'll soon find out, anyway..."

Uh oh. Kakashi burst out laughing once again.

Naruto narrowed down his eyes. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing... Nothing..."

"Could you just describe her for me then?"

Kakashi grinned. "Well, she, ehem, has ebony hair, onyx eyes, smooth and flawless skin, and red kissable lips. All in all..." He imagined the certain Uchiha wearing a pink dress. "I could say that she is extremely adorable..."

Yaay!

Naruto drooled. "Wow... She's beautiful. Get your pervert thoughts away from her. She's mine!"

Getting protective are we? "If you say so..."

"So where can I find her?"

A smack. "How many times do I have to tell you: that's what's the story was all about!"

"Ouch! You don't have to do that!" Naruto turned to the floating Neji, who remained impassive during the whole conversation. "Genie, where can I find her?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Neji angrily replied.

"Are you really a genie?"

"Am I a genie?" The genie exasperatedly repeated. "I gave you some ramen, made you into a prince, and now... Am I a genie? Aarrggh..." He had absolutely no time to deal with idiots like Naruto. Fate... Fate...

Caution. Angry genies were very dangerous.

"Fine, fine, fine."

"Ask the Wizard of Oz, he knows..."

"Hey, Shikamaru." Naruto poked Shikamaru.

"What!" This had been the umpteenth time he'd been disturbed... Would this disturbance please stop? He needed sleep. He was a growing kid, damn it.

"Where can I find the princess?"

"The princess was sleeping on the highest tower of the castle. Just follow the golden brick road, into the giant beanstalk, then to the Enchanted forest, and then to the Castle..."

"Wow! How did you know?"

"Zzz... Zzz... Zzz..."

'Third. Wish."

Naruto grinned. "Genie, I wished those two would disappear!"

Poof!

Naruto was such a meanie.

"Hmmp." Neji began to fade as well.

"By the way, Neji... Nice hair!"

"Aarrggh..."

"And so, the prince's quest for the princess started... Meanwhile, the princess was peacefully sleeping, waiting for the prince to wake her, whatever, and give her, whatever, a kiss of true love..."

"A kiss!! Yaay! I'm going to kiss the princess! Yaay! Come on Kakashi-sensei, let's go! I am so excited to see her!"

Kakashi chuckled.

_I'm sure the princess is excited to see you as well... _


	7. 7

Notes: Nay... Thanks for the reviews... And yeah... if you need something.... just email me... ... really sorry if I can't reply to your messages... really don't have the time... about the first chapter... leave your email in the review, and I'll try to email it to you... about the mistakes in my writing... I'll try to improve somehow... so... thanks for everything...

Who wants to do fanarts of this story? Just email me...

Here's the next chapter... :)

What can I say... read on...

Mission failed!! Wah!!! I hate you, Sasuke!

Chapter Seven

Lessons 1, 2, 3...

"Hmm... Hmm... Hmm..." Naruto hummed, waving his arms to and fro. He eyed his sensei, who was jumping on every tree, nose stuck on a book... As usual... He grinned. "La... la.... la..."

"...."

"La... la... la... la..."

"..."

"La... la... la...la..."

"..."

Naruto rolled his eyes. Seemed like Kakashi-sensei had a pretty nice temper today. He opened his mouth to whistle once again...

A shuriken flew his way, and would have hit his mouth if he didn't move in time.

Lesson Number One: Never annoy a god at times like this...

"What was that for?" Naruto exclaimed, pointing a finger at Kakashi. He gasped. "You! You tried to kill me! So that you could have the princess for yourself and do mean things to her! You! I would sue you!" He paused for a moment. "I would sue you for attempted murder and future sexual harassment!"

Yeah... Whatever... The princess is yours, thank you... Kakashi blinked. Wait. Did the kitsune just say the words "sue", "sexual harassment", and "attempted murder" in one sentence? Oh, shit... This story must end soon! Damn it! Naruto was losing his mind! Yaay! He hurried on with the story...

"And so the prince began his perilous journey in search for his, well..."

"One and only true love!" Naruto supplied, raising his fist in the air. "Yes! I am so deeply and madly in love with the princess!"

What a heartwarming declaration... Kakashi coughed. ""And so the prince followed the golden brick road."

"Eh, Kakashi-sensei?"

"What now, brat?"

"How farther still do we have to walk this golden brick road?"

Naruto had the right to question that, however, Kakashi thought. They had been walking for seemed like hours now, following the golden brick road, and still nothing happened... Naruto questioned him... When you question, you think....

Damn it! Naruto was really losing his mind!!

Duh! What should he do! What should he do!

And so, minutes of silence passed between the two...

The older one, and supposed to be wiser one, contemplating on what the hell he should do to shake Naruto back to his dumb senses...

"Smack him? Nope... His head was already immune to that. Ask the witches to mix him some potion? Hmmm... Or Itachi for that matter... But that prince-turned-sorcerer could poison him... Nah, he won't do that... Hmmm.... That might actually work! I knew it! Ha! I'm a genius! The one and only god Kakashi!

And the younger one, confused as to what his sensei was doing, and wondering what the hell he should do to shake his sensei back to his abnormal senses...

Blink. "Eh, Kakashi-sensei?" Damn it. Did Kakashi-sensei black out on him or something?"

Blue eyes widened in horror when Naruto heard Kakashi laugh.

Oh shit. This is bad... Was Kakashi sick? With sudden mental retardation or something? Wait, was that possible... Maybe it was mental ability breakdown... Yeah, maybe that was it! Something connected with the god business... Omnipotence stress... But wait, hentai gods didn't just get sick! They were hentai gods! Duh!! Wah!! What was happening to his sensei?

Naruto then saw Kakashi-sensei shake his head, with a big cry of "No!" This frightened the blonde even more.

Wah! What should he do! Throw him a bucket or something! Wah!!

In short, both of them were wondering as to what they should do to bring each other back to each other's senses... Pretty confusing... Weird... Yeah, I knew... But, what can I say?

Lesson Number Two: Stick to your senses, how abnormal they may be...

Okay, to save some typing time and space, let us go to the part wherein Kakashi-sensei finally arrived at a logical conclusion that the best solution to the problem, though there wasn't any, was to just continue, and as much as possible, speed up the story...

Why?

It wasn't actually because of the fact that Naruto was slowly losing his mind, or because of the much-awaited ending.

Okay, the latter got some credits, after all, who wouldn't want to see both boys reaction, to, ehem, their predicament?

But hey, Kakashi-sensei, the supreme hentai god, missed his babies! Yep... Those cute, adorable, and pretty much educational (in a way, and in a hentai god's point of view, ehem, yes...) thingy books he used to cuddle every time he went to sleep! Duh! His babies! Kurenai had to be taking care of them or else... Wah!!! His babies! What will happen to them! Don't worry, babies! Daddy's coming!

"And so, the prince continued on with his journey, and upon walking underneath the light of the silvery moon..."

Huh?

"The prince met the Pied Piper of Hamelin."

Poof!

Shino appeared, holding the so-called-magic-flute in his hand...

"Shino!" Naruto exclaimed.

Shino rolled his eyes. "Hmmm."

"...."

"...."

"Hey, kid," Kakashi poked, "Say your lines!"

"...."

"...."

"Kid!"

"..."

"Hey, kid!"

"...."

"Eh, Kakashi-sensei?"

Here we go again with Naruto's adorable remarks... Let's hear what the blonde had to say, shall we?

"Was the Pied Piper of Hamelin supposed to be deaf, mute, or something?"

Lesson Number Three: Never open your mouth whenever a certain hentai god was slowly losing his mind over his certain babies...

Smack! Poor Naruto...

"Ouch! I was just asking!"

"I am the Pied Piper of Hamelin." Shino finally spoke.

"Hey! Did you hear that Kakashi-sensei? Shino spoke! He actually spoke!"

Smack!

"You, hentai god! You hit me twice! Child abuse! Wah!"

Kakashi ignored the blonde and instead turned to Shino. "Fine." He turned the pages of the book. "I'll read your lines for you!"

Impatience. No time to waste. His babies! He missed his babies! They might die of reading deficit syndrome!

Oh, well...

"But, Kakashi-sensei..."

"Shut up, Naruto!"

Kakashi turned once more to face the audience. "Now this Pied Piper was actually the opposite of the original one. You see, every time he plays his flute, wait, he doesn't really have to do that, various kinds of... err... bugs... come out of his body and scares the people away!"

Demonstration...

Kakashi blinked. "See what I mean? Now, now, off you go... Next!"

Poof!

"And so the prince continued on with his journey..."

"This is so boring." Naruto muttered. "I want some action!"

"The prince came across Jack who was traveling with his cow, and the Tin Girl..."

Poof!

Poof!

"Ta rah!" Lee appeared, dressed in peasant clothes, and Tenten, in metal clothes, holding an axe.

"I am Jack!!" Lee cheerfully said. "I wanted to sell a cow that jumped over the moon!"

"A cow that what?" Naruto repeated.

"Naruto!" Lee grinned. "A cow that jumped over the moon!"

Smack!

"Ignore him." Tenten said, shaking her head.

"..."

"..."

"Eh, Tenten," Kakashi interrupted, "Your lines..."

Tenten blushed. "I know! I know!"

"I'm looking for the Wizard of Oz..."

"The Wizard of Oz! Why?" Naruto asked.

"Because she wanted to have a heart!" Lee answered, chuckling. "Right Tenten?"

Smack!

"I told you, don't mind him, he lost his mind when I told him that I'll cut the beanstalk if he doesn't come with me..." Tenten immediately said.

"The beanstalk?" Naruto jumped to and fro. "Where is it? Where is it?"

"I'll tell you, if you tell me where the Wizard is." Tenten smirked.

"The wizard?" Naruto fidgeted. "Why with him? Wait... You wanted to have a heart? But why not go to Neji... He told me days ago he had your heart...."

Lesson Number Four: When in doubt, the best thing to do is just to shut up...

Smack!

Tenten was now beet red. Duh! Why was this dumb blonde so noisy?

Kakashi shook his head. Tenten and that Hyuuga kid? Wow, he never knew...

Lee shook Naruto's hand. "Wow, Naruto. Congratulations for making Tenten angry. Thanks for the blackmail!"

"Anytime." Naruto grinned.

"Tenten already cut the beanstalk earlier. Got frustrated over ending up here." Lee gave Naruto some beans. "Just drop it to the ground, blah, blah, blah, it grows, and of course, you'll have to climb it, and you'll end up in the Enchanted Forest."

"Thanks, Lee!"

"Good luck on the princess..." Lee said. I sure hope it's not Sakura...

"Yeah! Bye!" Naruto turned to Tenten and stuck out his tongue. "About the Wizard, and Neji, too, I knew you wanted to know..." He blinked. "I vanished them a couple of hours ago... You should have seen Neji's hair..."

"What!" Tenten screeched.

"Bye!"

Poof!

Poof!

"The prince cheerfully dropped two beans on the ground and the beanstalk grew so fast that the prince was amazed."

"I was not! Are you coming or not?"

And so, the hentai god and the prince started to climb the beanstalk and after a few hours, they reached the Enchanted Forest.

"Enchanted Forest?" Naruto asked after he read the sign. "What's so enchanted about it?"

Compare that to Sasuke's reaction. Wow...

Kakashi shook his head. He gave up with Naruto's musings long time ago. "Honestly speaking, I don't know."

Lesson Number Five: The safest way to answer is just to say you don't know...

"Wah!! What's that smell?" Naruto sniffed the air, "Sweet cinnamon!" He went towards that direction.

"Uh oh." Kakashi muttered as he followed Naruto. It's the two witches...

"Look, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto pointed. "It's a cottage."

"A cottage." Kakashi looked at the direction Naruto pointed at. It was the cottage of the Bad Fairy and the Wicked Witch of the West all right.

The door opened and Sakura came out.

"Sakura!"

Sakura was disappointed to see Naruto. She thought it was Sasuke. Oh well... "Naruto? Sensei?"

"Hai!" Naruto grinned. "Sakura, could we come in for the moment? I'm starving!"

Sakura looked at Naruto then at her sensei. Oh well, teammates were teammates. "Sure, Come in." Sakura led them to the dining room.

After a preparation or two, Sakura placed cinnamon bread on the table and some tea. "I'm sorry, that's all I can offer."

"It's all right!" Naruto began eating. "This is good! I didn't know you could bake!"

Sakura smiled. "You could do anything in this fairy tale, dimwit."

Just watch out for some potions or something. "Where's Ino?" Kakashi asked.

"Ah, she went out to look for Sasuke..." Sakura nervously answered.

"The arrogant bastard was here?" Naruto asked this time.

"Don't call him an arrogant bastard, Naruto!" Sakura smacked Naruto's head.

Lesson Number Six: Never ever call Sasuke an arrogant bastard in front of the president of the Sasuke fans club. Why? Well, the consequences were self-explanatory.

"Yeah, he was here a couple of days ago. You don't by any chance, seen him?"

"Nope!" Naruto answered, after drinking some tea. "I only saw that lazy wiz, that fat egg, the genie, the piper, thick eyebrows, and that where's-my-heart-girl... Yeah, no sign of arrogant bastard."

Smack!

Lesson Number Six also applies to this situation. What can I say, Naruto never learns?

"Anyway." Sakura started to clean up the table. She smiled. "Now, what part are you playing Naruto?"

The best question ever asked by the smartest girl of the village...

Naruto grinned. "Sakura! I'm playing the part of the prince! Isn't that great?"

This, however, was the best answer ever given by the loudest ninja of the same village...

Crash!

All the plates and cups the dear Bad Fairy was holding lay shattered on the floor...

Sakura paled. "You...are...the...prince?" She turned to her sensei. "He's the prince?"

Kakashi merely shrugged. "Well, yeah..."

Lesson Number Seven: Life indeed was full of surprises.

"And you know what, Sakura?" Naruto beamed. "I'll rescue her, and I'll kiss her!!!"

Sakura remained frozen on the spot. Kiss? Uh-oh.

Okay, prepare yourself, for the dramatic monologue the Bad Fairy would give.

Sounds...

One...

Two...

Three...

Action!

The Bad Fairy looked at Naruto, then turned to look at her sensei. She rolled her eyes.

Thud!!

"Eh, Sakura?" Naruto panicked and poked the body of a fainted Sakura on the floor. "Did I say something?"

"Excellent acting, Sakura. Very realistic." Kakashi clapped his hands, snickering. "Though our audience would have to excuse her for forgetting her lines." He turned to Naruto. "Yeah, there was something you said... Never mind..."

Right... Sakura was supposed to say... Complete with facial expressions...

"What!" She would mutter, supposed to lose her courage to speak. "How could you be the prince? No, no... How could you be the prince?" She would kneel, beaten on the floor.

Then she was supposed to faint...

Okay, never mind. Just picture it out.

Just the exact moment for the Wicked Witch of the West to enter the scene...

"Sakura!" The Wicked Witch of the West turned to point an accusing finger at Naruto. "What did you do? Did you make her eat the poisoned apple?"

Poisoned apple?

"No!" The blonde defensively replied. "She asked me what role I was playing then I just answered that I was playing the role of the prince! What's wrong with that?"

The Wicked Witch of the West gasped. "You are the prince! No! No!"

Thud!

Lesson Number Seven also applies...

Another award winning performance...

Kakashi blinked. "So that was the story of how the prince beat the Bad Fairy and the Wicked Witch of the West... The end..."

Of the chapter folks...

Next update... The Big Bad Wolf, The Fairy, the Sword in the Stone, and The Sorcerer...

And of course... the revealing chapter...


	8. 8

AN: Wow! I'm back finally! School's almost over! High school Graduation by April 1! Yaay!

**Once Upon a Time in Konoha**

Chapter Eight: What's so funny?

Just as our blonde prince Naruto, and his infamous teacher ala hentai god Kakashi, was crossing the bridge towards the castle, after the brief fainting encounter with the witches, the big Bad Wolf appeared, with his comrade, Akamaru, barring the way.

"Stop! In the name of love!

Oops... Wrong line... Rewind...

"Stop! This is a private property, and you are not allowed to enter! By orders of the Prince Itachi! If you want to pass, come and fight me. "

Just then, Kiba blinked. "Oh Naruto, never mind. It's only you. You may pass. After all, I'm supposed to stop the supposedly called Prince..."

"But I am the prince!" Naruto whined, making that adorable pout.

"Yeah, yeah, you're the prince, I know." Kiba raised his hand, "And I managed to eat Granny and the three little pigs..."

Huh?

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto tugged along the tunic of the hentai god. Why won't Kiba believe him? "Kakashi-sensei, tell him that I'm the prince!"

For the first time, the Big Bad Wolf noticed the Hentai god clad in tunic with an olive branch tucked in his ear. Kiba sighed. "You again?"

"Eh... Big Bad Wolf..." Kakashi coughed and mustered his calmest voice possible. He needed _control_... "Kiba, Naruto is..."

Once again, Kakashi coughed. Gosh... "Naruto is the prince..."

Naruto flashed his toothy grin. Kiba blinked.

"No way." Kiba looked from one face to another. "He... and the princess?"

Kakashi solemnly nodded.

"You got to be shitting me!"

When Kiba got no response from the hentai god, and Naruto kept on smiling, Kiba did the predictable.

The Big Bad Wolf laughed.

Oh well...

"What's so funny?" Naruto innocently asked a furiously red-faced Kiba.

To his dismay, Kiba merely covered his mouth and continued on with his predicament, which was, laughing.

Gods... Who knew he could laugh this much?

And damn it! Naruto wanted to know what was really funny!

So once again, he asked the question that would be the main tag line of our chapter.

"What's so funny?"

The dearest narrator meanwhile, coughed and approached Naruto. He had to exercise every bit of his control not to laugh with Kiba, and answer the damn question of sorts.

What's so funny?

"Eh... Naruto... Kiba... Let's go on with the story shall we?"

"Hey, prince!" Kiba managed to mutter while laughing. "You may pass..." He struggled to breathe, laugh, and speak at the same time. "I... don't care... what happens anyway... In fact, I may like what would happen at all... You the prince! Mwah haha ha ha ha!"

Naruto merely stared at the hysterical wolf in confusion. What the hell was happening?

And damn it... What the hell was funny?

Some time later, after our beloved narrator got mercy on his hysterical state, the Big Bad wolf finally settled down, and grinned for the last time. He pointed a finger on Naruto. "Hey, oh Prince Naruto! One last piece of advice... Good luck on the princess!"

"The two of you are _very_ compatible!" With one last laugh and shake of the head, the Big Bad Wolf disappeared.

"So that was the story on how the Prince defeated the Big Bad Wolf..."

"Eh Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto turned. "What the hell was so funny?"

The hentai god only smiled, and was spared from answering by the sudden appearance of Itachi.

"Worthless servants!" Itachi widened his eyes in surprise. "Oh look, look, what do we have here?"

Silence.

"Sasuke?" The blonde blinked. "No! Wait! You're Itachi! What are you doing here?"

Itachi groaned in response. "I just wonder why people kept on mistaking me with that foolish brother of mine who absolutely have no fashion sense and he's..."

"Eh... Itachi?" Kakashi interrupted.

"Oh yeah, yeah... Never mind!" Itachi waved his hand. "So... my Kyuubi... who are you exactly?"

"Err... I am the Prince..." Naruto forced a smile, still confused in his thoughts. Was this really Itachi? And did he really hear say the word "fashion sense" a minute ago? Weird!

"The prince?" Itachi repeated. "Kyuubi was the prince? But that's impossible! I was expecting ... Oh well... Maybe this was a good idea after all! My, my, my! Who would have thought?" He then eyed the blonde carefully, and smiled. "In fairness, I like your suit!"

"Huh?"

"Itachi!" Kakashi warned.

"I know, I know..." Itachi then turned. "Do you want the princess, Naruto?"

"Of course, I do..."

Itachi grinned. "Do you really want, as in want, the princess?"

"Yeah! I want her all right!" Naruto impatiently replied.

Her? Itachi chuckled. This was so much fun! "As you say so... But you have to get pass me first..."

Kakashi coughed and turned the pages of the book. "The battle has began... An honorable conquest... The fight between the Evil Prince and the Noble knight to save the princess... All because of love..."

The hentai god rolled his eyes. Wow... That was nasty...

Naruto positioned and readied himself for the expected attack. Suddenly, right in the middle of nowhere, a blue fairy appeared and handed him a sword.

"Hinata?"

Hinata shoved the sword to Naruto's hand. "Naruto-kun... This would... help... you... defeat the Evil prince..." She turned away, misty-eyed and blushing. "You'll make...a good prince, Naruto-kun... You... You look good as a prince..."

With one last look at Naruto, she disappeared.

Just like in the TV soap opera, they would often say...

_When you love someone, learn to let go. If he comes back, he's yours, but if not, he never was... _

What the hell was I saying? Back to the story, folks...

"Thanks, Hinata." Naruto whispered before he turned to face Itachi. "Hey, Itachi! Prepare to die!" He ran and wielded the sword.

Just then, Itachi put his hand forward. "On second thoughts..." He grinned. "I quit."

Silence.

The raspy scream of the blonde erupted. "WHAT! What do you mean you quit?"

"I quit... Meaning I give up... Meaning I don't want to fight you anymore!"

"But why?"

"You see I am not at all as foolish as my brother... Whatever I do, I would not win this match... You are destined to win, anyway... So I would just be wasting my time and energy... I would rather shop various gowns and torture my beloved..."

"Itachi!" Kakashi warned for the third time. In fairness, the Uchiha was really clever.

"Look, I know. Just do me a favor, Kyuubi." Itachi once again smiled. "All I can say is... No regrets..."

No regrets? Naruto blinked. What the hell was this bastard talking about?

"Say hi for the princess for me, I'm very sure you'll like her-whatever..." Itachi exchanged a look with Kakashi who chuckled. "Don't forget to invite me to the wedding... After all, I'm still the princess' brother, and I'll be glad to extend a hand in the choosing of gowns, for an improved fashion statement, etc."

Another blink. Seriously what the hell was Itachi on about?

Itachi waved his hand and blew a kiss. "Happy Kissing! Ciao!"

"Okay..." Naruto said and turned to look at his sensei, who was silently laughing. "Hey! Just what the hell was so funny?"

"After the fight with Itachi, Prince… Naruto… bravely… entered the castle…"

At this point, Kakashi was on the verge of mental break down… He couldn't control it anymore…

"Prince Naruto…wandered from… room to room… until… he reached the… tower of… the castle…"

Okay… He really needed to do something fast. He needed to think of something else, of Gai's out-of-this-world-orations, of flying green pigs… Damn it… Just anything…

He even started to mumble! Yaay! This was a bad sign! Kakashi never mumbled! He never stuttered or did anything whatsoever synonymous with that verb!

Kakashi needed to breathe air into his system… He needed to breathe air _safely_ into his system… He couldn't risk it… This was just damn too close… He needed to do that quickly or risk dying from suffocation!

He. Had. To. Laugh. Damn. It.

"Eh… Kakashi-sensei, are you coming?" Naruto had noticed that the silver-haired jounin had stopped just before the door of the tower… And he started to act… weird… Really weird…

Okay, breathe… Breathe… One… Two… Three… Inhale… Exhale… Won't look at Naruto… Didn't know about the person inside the tower… Didn't know anything whatsoever about what they were about to do…. About what they were to find out… About the way they would look once they found out…

"Eeep..."

What this accomplished, however, was for the silver-haired-jounin to think more about it, thus, falling deeper and deeper into madness, with just a single finger holding on to sanity…

Naruto frowned. What was the matter now? "Kakashi-sensei, are you all right!"

Kakashi immediately nodded.

He couldn't even trust himself to open his mouth and mutter a single coherent word!

Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… Inhale…

"Uh… Naruto… You go in… I'm sure…. you wanted to… look at the…princess… and have some… privacy… Yeah that's right… you two need some privacy!" Kakashi smiled in effect… 'You would… easily find… the princess… locked up, sleeping…"

That one finger was slowly slipping… He was about to burst, damn it! Control… Kakashi… Control… Just a minute more… It would be safe in just a minute more… Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale…

Privacy? Whatever. Naruto rolled his eyes. "Fine… I'm going in…"

And Kakashi?

Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale…

Naruto slowly opened the brass doorknob, and pushed the wooden door.

He found himself staring at a gigantic pile of hundred mattresses…

The pile of mattresses Prince Itachi had the liberty and time of preparing… Why one hundred? One mattress each per year…

He was bored, damn it…

He was going on well until the 80th year, when it occurred to him that he forgot to place a pea underneath the first one… Oh well, he had to repeat the procedure again and again… And my! Was that a nasty temper!

Tsk… Tsk… Tsk… Poor mirror… Gai actually "informed" Itachi of it…

Anyway… That was a different story, so let's continue.

Naruto shrugged, and climbed the ladder…

One… Two… Three…

Finally, after some time, he reached the 500th step…

The last one!

Only to find a certain Uchiha sleeping peacefully on it…

Naruto blinked.

What was Sasuke doing here?

Where was the princess?

He gasped.

Did Sasuke kidnap the princess?

A typical Naruto-ish thinking...

Where did the bastard bring her?

"Oy, Sasuke." Naruto nudged the sleeping boy.

No response.

"Sasuke."

No response.

"Sasuke!" The blonde irritably yelled. He was now literally shaking the poor boy.

Gosh… Maybe the bastard was dead!

But the slight movement of the sleeping boy, and his calm breathing confirmed that he was not…

Wait, why the hell was Sasuke wearing a pink dress?

Just in time, the Uchiha prodigy struggled to open his eyes… He sat up.

Heck, he had just slept for hundred years!

"Dobe…" Sasuke scowled, recognizing the blond hair and blue eyes, "What… the…"

His eyes snapped in attention.

Naruto?

He blankly looked at the blonde, who was wearing a red cape, armor, and what the hell was that? Was that a sword? Was the kitsune holding a sword?

He froze in shock as those facts finally registered. After all, he was known to have a quick mind, and as of this time, he didn't know if that was to his advantage.

Oh, shit…

Naruto fidgeted. "I should be the one asking that question, bastard." He glared at the raven-haired boy before him. "Now, where was the princess? What did you do with her? Get her back so that I could kiss…"

Sasuke stared at Naruto in horror.

Kiss? Did Naruto just say he would kiss the princess?

Shit…

Know the saying… What you don't know won't hurt you?

How about… The Truth hurts?

Naruto, as expected, was oblivious of the Uchiha's discomfort, his horror, even though it was openly displayed on his once impassive face. He just chatted on…

"Sasuke, what! Did you kidnap her? Hello, Sasuke!"

By this time, Sasuke should be starting his very long, very "emotional", damn speech, with Naruto obviously invading the first sentence…

Wait, correction… Naruto was actually invading all sentences…

But he just couldn't bring himself to do it…

And to say that the poor princess was in shock was an understatement…

Sasuke was horror-struck… shaken… stunned… … traumatized… to mumble even just a single monosyllabic word…

For the first time, the Uchiha was actually caught off guard! As in off guard!

Oh, well…

Naruto finally noticed the comical expression on the Uchiha's features. "Sasuke?" First, Kakashi… And now… Aarrgh… What was wrong with people today? "Fine. Don't talk to me." He grunted. "By the way, why are you wearing a pink dress?" He was too irritated that he forgot to make it a laughing matter…

This was it, guys… Brace yourselves…

Thud!

Naruto blinked.

Did…

Sasuke…

Faint…

Did Sasuke just pass out? And in front of him?

Wah! What's wrong with people!

Sasuke passed out… He didn't even bother telling him where the princess was…

Wah! What would he do now!

Where would he find the princess?

Wait…

He remembered that Kakashi somehow told him that he would easily find the princess here, sleeping, locked up on the tower…

And only Sasuke was here…

And he was the only one sleeping…

Blue eyes widened in horror.

Oh, shit…

But that wasn't possible…

The princess was supposed to be a "she"…

Right?

But that would explain why Kiba was laughing so hard when he told him that he was the prince…

Kakashi's damn laughing reaction in the beginning… His weird mood swings just minutes ago…

Why Sakura and Ino fainted on the spot…

Why Hinata was close to tears… Okay, he didn't know if that one was really connected…

Even Itachi's amused smirk, and that damn say-hi-to-the-princess-for-me-I'm-sure-you'll-like-her-whatever, followed by a laugh, and an irritating shake of the head…

And now, this, Sasuke, passed out!

And the pink dress…

"Wah!" The blonde screamed….

That was until the thought of the kiss entered his very confused head…

The screaming stopped…

Naruto's mouth surely gaped open…

Oh-shit…

And lo and behold, he too, passed out….

Meanwhile, Kakashi's boisterous laughter echoed towards the room…

And to Naruto and Sasuke, all I can say is… Always look at the bright side of Life…

Oh come on. What's so funny?

Jeez... I got a weird sick sense of humor... Please review… Hopefully, next week… The Kiss that would break the spell…"


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